


Between Us

by Sugarbowl



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Fluff and Smut, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-03 08:34:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugarbowl/pseuds/Sugarbowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's difficult to keep anything between just two people – especially when you're not sure what it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. first

**Author's Note:**

> A few of my readers on AFF requested I crosspost this here! I hope you guys enjoy it as well.

//between us

 

 

Jinyoung has resigned himself to being replaced. Not that Jaebum has the same dynamic with Youngjae as he had with Jinyoung - if anything, it's better. Jaebum has always been hungry to be a leader, to be a hyung, and Youngjae blossoms as the perfect counterpart to that persona. He is playful but pliant, and he looks up to Jaebum with sincerity, fits into his arms naturally, and their dynamic runs easy and smooth.

Jinyoung and Jaebum have always had a tension. It's still there, whenever they're alone, or when they're coupled up for promotions. Jinyoung admires Jaebum, but he's far from submissive and adoring, unwilling to bend over backwards and too petty to let little things go. Their tempers have sparked enough through the years to establish that Jinyoung doesn't fold, doesn't fit, won't be dragged along. 

They're fond of each other still. Jinyoung is far fonder than he can quite admit. That's why it stings when he thinks about Youngjae and Jaebum in bed, stings when he tries to come to terms with his new place in this bigger group.

He's close with everyone, tender and teasing with Mark and Jackson especially, but Jaebum still feels far. Their dynamic never quite resolved itself; it's still rough around the edges, simmering with an erratic energy just beneath the surface.

They take care of each other anyhow, Jinyoung with a reluctant, blushing affection that he wishes he could fight. Jaebum perhaps out of obligation, or so Jinyoung assumes. Surely, he thinks, JB wants to set an example, helping with doors and dishes and guiding him by the small of his back. Perhaps it’s out of respect for their stunted JJ Project being the seedling for Got7’s success.

Jinyoung doesn't like to overthink it, or think about it at all. He tries not to come off too sensitive.

 

//

 

He’s not _that_ sensitive, Jinyoung thinks sourly. It's the second time now that they're bringing it up in an interview, and it prickles as much as the first time. Still, he keeps his lips in a tight smile, and if it fails to wrinkle his eyes authentically, it doesn’t seem to catch anyone’s attention. The conversation rattles on as haphazard as ever, and Jinyoung leans back against Mark’s shoulder, content to let the noise roll over him for the rest of the show.

Sensitive, he thinks, seems to be a kind of code. Not that it specifically correlates with anything scandalous, but it’s a filler. For gaps in personalities that they don’t want to talk about. 

 

//

 

“Did I get this room because I’m ‘sensitive,’ hyung?” Jinyoung asks quietly, pouring an exaggeratedly precise cup of soju for the elder. 

Jaebum accepts the cup nimbly and remains silent for a moment. Jinyoung pours himself a serving and glances up through his lashes at him, wondering if he'd heard the question.

Instead, they drink together, Jinyoung looking away demurely, and only after the burn of the soju fades does Jaebum clear his throat.

“I don't know _exactly_ what you mean,” he says, words cautious. “But the managers did ask me… If you'd ever acted differently, I guess. I think the assignments were mostly random in the end, honestly.”

“ _Differently_ ,” Jinyoung echoes. It's not a question, he just repeats it to feel the letters in his mouth. He pours them each another drink.

“I don't know,” Jaebum insists. “I figured they had asked you too, about me, if it was just an argument kind of a thing.”

“Nobody asked me anything,” Jinyoung confirms. They drink.

Jaebum lets out a hiss after this shot. “I doubt they meant it hurtfully, I doubt they even… Know. Do you? Know?” His voice falters. Jaebum turns to look at him expectantly.

Jinyoung grips the bottle tightly. “I know,” he finally grinds out, eyes wobbling under the weight of Jaebum's gaze. “I know what I am.”

Jaebum’s face changes colors, curiously – pink, then ghostly white. It's pink again as he peels the bottle out of Jinyoung's fingers and takes a swig directly from it. Jinyoung watches the sharp dip of his larynx as he swallows.

A beat passes in silence.

“It’s strange,” Jaebum says, voice rasping a little through the sweet sting of the alcohol. “I always thought it was so obvious I was the sensitive one.”

He hands the bottle back to Jinyoung, who tries not to fixate on this revelation. Tries to think of a way to proceed through their maze of a conversation as delicately as possible.

Instead, Jinyoung drinks from the bottle as well, silent but smiling. He hopes the smile is as warm as the soju tingling in his mouth. Hopes it’s as warm as the fluttering in his gut.

Jaebum smiles back, and it's plenty warm. 

Jinyoung isn't sure how much time passes in companionable silence. Maybe over an hour.

Jaebum looks drunker than he is. It’s only been a little more than two bottles of soju between them and his cheeks are flushed, heat rising from his skin like he’s caught a fever. Jinyoung feels it against his own cheek even though they sit respectably beside each other, can feel a static buzz from Jaebum’s hands as they pass the bottle back and forth. 

The air between them feels charged, empty of words but thick with something else, but Jinyoung still tries his hardest not to overthink. 

There’s a tingling in his hands as he grips the green glass of the bottle, the feeling of a heavy gaze. He swings the bottle up to balance the opening against his lower lip, and as another shot trickles out he lets his eyes slide to the side to look at his captive audience.

Jaebum’s eyes are dark and wet from a lack of blinking, welling up slightly as they trail across Jinyoung’s features. They look hungry as they fixate on the pinkness of Jinyoung’s parted lips, only to widen as a dribble of soju escapes and runs a twinkling rivulet down his neck. Embarrassed, Jinyoung shoves the bottle back at Jaebum and runs his sleeve across his mouth.

Jaebum takes the bottle quite firmly, seemingly blinking away his flustered expression as he sets it on the floor instead of taking a shot, eyes hardened and glued to the white of Jinyoung’s long neck.

“We should probably slow down, good idea,” Jinyoung says, “imagine what the kids will think–!”

He doesn’t finish his thought because Jaebum has swept in, hand moving to clutch at the back of Jinyoung’s head and his tongue licking the trail of soju from his neck. Jaebum’s breath is thick and hot, the dampness of his mouth dragging stickily over Jinyoung’s trembling Adam’s apple. “H-hyung,” Jinyoung manages, voice betraying his confusion.

“You spilled,” Jaebum murmurs, voice rumbling as he pulls away slightly, still clutching Jinyoung by the nape. “Just there,” his voice seems to lose confidence as they finally make eye contact. He seems to shrink back, now. 

Jinyoung is sure he must look shocked. He idly wonders if the tingling in his face is from the blood rushing to it or rushing away, is he blushing or ashen. He feels Jaebum’s fingers on the back of his neck, shaking as they meander back down to his shoulders, retreating after the abrupt intimacy. But he doesn’t want the boy to back away. A sudden prickling of confidence has Jinyoung pushing his face back after Jaebum’s, their hot, stale breath suddenly mixing.

He’s kissing him now, pressing his mouth against Jaebum’s and cradling his face, chasing after the heat he’d felt against his neck. For a moment he’s unsure, but that uncertainty dissolves as Jaebum returns the pressure. Jaebum’s lips are soft, slightly sticky against his, and their kisses smack loudly in the quiet of Jinyoung’s small room.

Jinyoung moves his mouth firmly, face heated and certainly flushing now, gently licking against Jaebum’s lips to part them. The older boy’s mouth gasps open, and then he’s rumbling a moan against Jinyoung, tongue meeting his in a slightly clumsy caress. 

There’s a little too much saliva, but the softness of the kiss coupled with the groaning vibration of Jaebum’s chest against his own makes Jinyoung unbearably hot and he shimmies back a bit to try and untangle himself out of his cardigan.

Jaebum seems more than willing to help him disrobe, pulling away with a wet, loud noise that should embarrass Jinyoung. Instead he watches with intense curiosity as Jaebum helps him scrape his sleeves down and off his arms, and he turns to swing his legs over the bed as Jaebum discards his own pullover. Jinyoung is grabbing at his neck the next instant to pull the older boy against him once again. 

Their bodies align as Jinyoung draws Jaebum back onto the bed, Jaebum settling between the younger’s splayed open knees. He balances his weight on an elbow and drags his other hand uncertainly up Jinyoung’s leg to his thigh. They’re kissing again, but it’s even more raw, Jinyoung relishing in the messy noises and the unmistakable twist of arousal in his gut.

Jaebum tastes like soju, and a hint of smoky barbecue from earlier. He also tastes unbelievably, indescribably male – not that Jinyoung has tasted many girls for comparison. But his first kiss in middle school was bubblegum lipgloss, a sun-bleached swing set and the sound of cicadas. Now, Jinyoung hears his mattress creaking perilously beneath them, out of time with their erratic, laboured breathing. Jaebum’s jaw in his hand is decidedly masculine, stubble growing in under his chin and a lingering whisper of cologne.

Jinyoung lets his own hands wander south, suddenly bolder still. He slips one around Jaebum’s lean waist, tracing his fingers beneath the hem of his t-shirt and enjoying the strain of muscles at his hip. He lets his other hand softly cup against Jaebum’s ass, angling his groin into his lap and he tries not to gasp when he feels a hardness matching his own. Any attempt to sound unaffected is shattered as Jaebum slips his hips against his more deliberately, Jinyoung letting his head flop back onto his pillow and mewling out loud.

Jaebum lets out a soft chuckle as they separate, gazing down with a heavy fondness, rolling his hips again. Jinyoung bites his swollen lip as he stares back up at him, feeling more embarrassed at their eye contact than anything else they’ve done, the honesty of the situation finally feeling lewd. But then his back arches unabashedly off the mattress as they grind against each other, and he's devouring Jaebum’s flickering, euphoric facial expressions.

The friction between them disappears suddenly, Jaebum dipping to suckle at Jinyoung’s neck, surely leaving a mark. He shifts downward and peels Jinyoung’s tee away so he can trail his hot tongue down Jinyoung’s torso next. 

Jinyoung is a little embarrassed by the sudden exposure, and he blushes deeply as Jaebum’s mouth latches onto a nipple. “You're so pink,” Jaebum rumbles against his skin.

Jinyoung covers his mouth with a hand in an attempt to muffle his moans as the other boy’s tongue circles the bud, but Jaebum grips his wrist and tears it away. “I want to hear,” he says.

Jinyoung whimpers as the older boy moves lower, letting his hands thread into Jaebum’s auburn hair. Jaebum’s tongue follows the dusting of pubic hair into the waistband of Jinyoung’s sweatpants, and then sits up to pull them down. His eyes drink in the length of Jinyoung’s toned legs as they’re revealed, discarding the pants and his own shirt. 

Jinyoung reaches for Jaebum’s body, hungry to feel his skin against his own. He practically purrs as he moves up to kiss him again, bringing their bare chests together. Jinyoung has never felt more awake and alive  as the lean, hard planes of Jaebum’s body slide against his own. If sensitive is code for feeling _this_ way, Jinyoung is fine being called sensitive for the rest of his life.

Jaebum litters kisses down his jaw and neck once more, laying Jinyoung back against the mattress and dipping south again.

In the next moment a lot of things happen very quickly. Jaebum nuzzles his face into Jinyoung’s briefs, dragging his nose and lips across the straining material. He’s breathing in and out deeply, the hot air alone making Jinyoung grip into his hair in shock before latching his warm, wet mouth over Jinyoung’s clothed dick. Jaebum hums in satisfaction. Jinyoung lets out an unflattering squeal at the vibration. 

A door slams open and there are suddenly voices in the maknae’s room, and within a second Jinyoung’s pocket door is slid open, the glass panes rattling loudly. Yugyeom and Jackson actually _shriek_ , Yugyeom stumbling back and out of sight quickly.

Jaebum lifts his head out of Jinyoung’s lap to gape up at the doorway, where Jackson is purple in the face, “ _HYuNG”_ ing frantically and clumsily trying to pick the pocket door out of its frame again so he can shut it behind him. 

“Don't,” Jaebum’s face looks pained. “Don't worry about that door,” he says.

Jinyoung doesn't know what possesses him, next. Maybe it's just that his hands were already gripping Jaebum's hair, maybe it's his still throbbing dick, boned up in his damp briefs and inches away from Im Jaebum’s pink, moist lips. 

He doesn't say anything to Jackson. He grasps Jaebum's head and forcefully turns his head back to his lap. 

Jaebum's pretty, pink mouth makes a tiny little “o” in surprise, his ears going red from being manhandled. Jinyoung knows JB didn't expect this level of assertion, knows it probably comes as a surprise, but his dick pulses with excitement as he rolls his hips forward, dragging the damp bulge across Jaebum’s surprised face. 

They hear retreating footsteps and a door slamming.

Jaebum recovers quickly from the chilling sensation of being interrupted, eyes hot and hungry as he's suddenly peeling Jinyoung’s briefs down to just below his buttocks. His erection springs free, furiously flushed pink, dribbling with precum already. 

Jaebum locks determined eyes with Jinyoung as he licks up the length of his dick. Jinyoung nods shakily in encouragement. Jaebum envelops the head, swirling his tongue around the tip experimentally and Jinyoung gasps in delight, head jolting forward before sitting up for a better angle.

Jaebum grips him at the base of his cock, fisting upward to meet his mouth as he seems to try out his own limits. The hot wetness of his mouth combined with the even pressure of his jerking hand sends Jinyoung into dizzying spirals of arousal. 

The spit from his mouth helps Jaebum’s hand to fist smoothly, slickly, and he relaxes his jaw to help Jinyoung buck farther back into his throat. Bobbing at a mesmerizingly slow but deliberate pace, Jaebum swallows testingly around the head of his dick. 

He continues at this pace for what feels like ages, then seems to double it once he's comfortable. He hollows his cheeks, swirling and sucking Jinyoung into an indescribable froth of ecstasy.

Jaebum moans loudly around his dick, in satisfaction or pleasure Jinyoung can't tell, doesn't care. The added vibrations leave Jinyoung panting, tiny quiet moans to match Jaebum’s.

Tremors overtake Jinyoung’s body despite his best efforts to tense his body and keep himself from the brink of orgasm. He’s sitting half up, holding on and fucking desperately into Jaebum's head. Jaebum’s steady hand and the moist, immense suction of his mouth are grinding Jinyoung’s nerves into hazy, unavoidable pleasure.

With a helpless cry, Jinyoung releases Jaebum’s hair and collapses backward onto his bed, cumming harder than he's ever experienced. Jaebum’s eyes widen momentarily as his mouth fills with the bitter, sudden ejaculate, and after a moment of hesitation, he swallows it down inexpertly. 

Some of the cum dribbles down his chin as he hovers back over Jinyoung’s exhausted face, and Jinyoung smiles lazily as he swipes a thumb up his neck to collect his stickiness. He sucks the thumb between his swollen lips to taste himself, humming with delight as Jaebum’s eyes flash at the sight. 

“You spilled some,” Jinyoung purrs, “just there.”

Jaebum chuckles, letting his head drop to cradle between Jinyoung’s neck and shoulder. Jinyoung savors the deep, rumbling sensation of his laughter against his collarbone. “I have to go talk to them,” Jaebum murmurs against the heated skin.

Jinyoung pouts, rolling him onto his side and letting his hand trail delicately down the front of the other boy’s body. “But don't you need—?” He startles, pausing as his hand jams into Jaebum’s briefs only to find them wet and sticky, dick flaccid and spent.

Jaebum’s cheeks turn a pretty pink color as Jinyoung’s shocked mouth curls into a lecherous, catlike smile. “Jae _bum_ -hyung,” he sing-songs, “you little cockslut, you didn't even touch yourself.”

“Your noises,” Jaebum says quietly, kissing a few giggles out of Jinyoung’s smiling face, “your sounds were enough for me.”

A beat passes before JB leans back, frowning now. “ _Cockslut_ , honestly? Where did Park Jinyoung learn to use that kind of language? And to your _hyung_ ~!” 

Jinyoung is only slightly embarrassed as they dissolve into quiet laughter together, bare shoulders brushing almost shyly. 

“I read a lot,” Jinyoung waves his hand vaguely.

Jaebum snickers. “What kind of books…?”

Jinyoung blushes fully now. “I’ve had a lot of time to myself in this ~sensitive room, hyung,” he says.

Jaebum doesn't reply to this, sitting up instead to find and replace his discarded clothing.

Jinyoung watches him with a lip between his teeth. “What are you going to say? Jackson won’t freak out. But do you think Yugyeomie….” He trails off as he tries to imagine the maknae’s reaction.

“It doesn't matter what they think,” Jaebum says, plucking the half empty soju bottle from the floor and handing it to Jinyoung. 

“What matters is if they can keep it a secret. We've still got to work together and live together and I don't expect either of them to make that more difficult. But nobody else can—” his eyes won't meet Jinyoung's now. “Nobody else should know. The less mouths to keep shut the better.”

With this statement, Jaebum stands up and looks down at him with a face Jinyoung can tell is full of false bravado. It's a façade, although whom it's intended to fool, Jinyoung isn't sure. With this face on, Jaebum tightly smiles, squeezing Jinyoung’s hand once and leaves.

Jinyoung draws his covers up around him and drinks the rest of the soju. His mind continues to spin but he shuts off the light in his room and waits for his body to stop buzzing. Completely still, he wills his mind blank and waits for sleep.

 

//

 

The next morning is fairly typical. An early morning schedule drags all of them into a van before the sun even rises, and the silence enveloping them doesn't feel much different. 

Jinyoung is still preoccupied, choosing his seat in the back  carefully, next to Mark and dragging a floppy, distracted BamBam along next to him. Yugyeom doesn't seem like he's avoiding his eyes as he, Youngjae and Jackson squish into the next row, but Jinyoung tries not to look too curious. Jaebum is farthest in the front, but no one finds it unusual..

For a moment Jinyoung tries to imagine the worst case scenario: what if Jackson and Yugyeom told everyone before he and Jaebum had... finished. What if they were all just trying to be polite? Mark lets out a small whine and peels his hand out of Jinyoung’s, who realizes too late how tightly he'd been gripping.

“Sorry,” he whispers absently, but Mark is already half asleep against the window again. 

Jinyoung glances up at Jackson, and for a split second the blond is meeting his eyes and almost looks like he's trying to think of something to say. But Jackson turns back to his phone quickly enough, BamBam hovering over his shoulder and directing him to Like something on Instagram.

Jinyoung's mind rattles around in his head. There's nothing on social media, right? Could there be? Wouldn't Jaebum have said something, even a manager would have called him out by now. Just to be sure, he gingerly checks on his own phone, searching their names on Naver with seasick, hasty fingers. It auto corrects his sloppy typo of ‘Got6’ but nothing unusual appears. 

It's not quite as comforting as Jinyoung thought it would be. And Jackson’s silence feels more unnerving, too. If nobody knows except he and Jaebum - if nobody ever finds out, did it really happen? Does it matter at all?

Jinyoung closes his eyes and can picture the top of Jaebum's head between his thighs. One hand curled around his thigh, the other working Jinyoung's cock into his mouth. Jinyoung bites his lip and opens his eyes. It will matter to him, even if it was the only time, he decides. It will still matter to him.

 

//

 

Jinyoung curls into Mark’s side later, silent and still as the older boy idly strums through his phone in his bedroom.

Anyway, maybe it didn't _mean_ anything. They were both a little drunk and a lot lonely. They hadn't discussed feelings at all, just confirmed each other’s preferences. It was common for people to take out a little sexual frustration at the first chance, and maybe Jinyoung had been too assertive anyhow. 

He thinks about his fingers carding through auburn hair and lets out an audible sigh. Mark turns to look at him with a curious face. 

“Nyoung,” Mark says slowly. Jinyoung can tell he's waiting to ask, waiting for Jinyoung to share at his own pace. But he isn't sure if now is the right time.

“Did something happen?” Mark finally caves, tucking his phone away. His face is serious but his round eyes look reassuring still.

“I don't know,” Jinyoung admits.

Mark tilts his head at this, clearly wondering if he phrased the question wrong. “ _Did—_?” He tries slowly again.

“I mean, _a_ thing _happened_ ,” Jinyoung sighs, hands flopping as he gestures vaguely. “Sure, _some_ stuff has happened recently. But I don't know if it's—a _big_ deal.” 

Mark’s eyes have narrowed with suspicion now. “Did something bad happen, Jinyoung? Are you hurt?!”

“No!” Jinyoung assures him. “It's not like that. Well, I wasn't hurt. By _it.”_

_“It?”_ Mark repeats, growing frustrated. “I'm going to need a tiny bit more detail here if you actually want to try talking about it.”

“Jaebum hyung,” Jinyoung starts, then pauses. “Jaebum and I,” he stops again. “The other night, when you guys were out for dinner. And we'd gotten back earlier from our photoshoot.”

He pauses again, trying to figure out how much detail was needed.

“What happened?” Mark presses.

“We drank for a little bit,” Jinyoung continues. Mark doesn't blink, fixing Jinyoung with a glare as he waits for the younger boy to continue.

“Not like, a _lot_ ; I don't think it was just the soju, you know?” Jinyoung prattles on.

Mark blinks then. His face suddenly shifts, as if he's starting to piece things together. “ _Jinyoung,”_ he whispers.

“We didn't—! It wasn't _much_ , he just…” Jinyoung’s face heats up just recalling the details. “Hesuckedmeoff,” he finally mumbles, hand flapping over his face and volume plummeting to a whisper as Mark’s jaw practically unhinges in shock.

“ _What_?!” He hisses, face pink and smile impossibly wide. “Jaebum? Our leader—you got him on his knees?”

Jinyoung’s eyes fly open and he moves to clamp a hand roughly over Mark's giant mouth. “No,” he hisses, “and don't look so filthy and happy to hear it, you pervert. We. Just,” he scrunches his face in embarrassment and drops to a whisper again. “First we were just... rubbing against each other.”

“JJ CRroSss~!” Mark rips his head out of Jinyoung's grip and crows the word like a maniac, banging his arms in an X and dissolving into his hyena laughter.

“ _Mark,_ shut up, _I swear to God!”_ Jinyoung flings himself back across the bed and away from his immature hyung.

The door to Mark's room bangs open and Jinyoung freezes. It's just Jackson, but then his stomach flips as he remembers Jackson _knows_.

“Oh my god! Jinyoung is just _telling_ you?!” Jackson whines, face breaking into a brilliant, shit-eating grin, slamming the door behind him and collapsing atop Mark’s lap. “I had to walk in on it and he won't even look at me!”

“ _Jackson walked_ in _on it_?” Mark whisper-screeches, clutching at Jackson’s sweatshirt in horror. Jinyoung groans like he is dying, drawing Mark's pillow over his head. He's glad Jackson seems to be taking this well, glad he isn't feeling awkward, but feels mortified all the same.

“What did you _see_??” Mark hisses, shaking the younger and no longer trying to contain their volume.

Jackson shoves a still giggling Mark so he flops back across Jinyoung on the bed, pries Mark’s thighs apart, and crouches between them to reenact Jaebum’s positioning. He pantomimes a full mouth and springs up like a shocked bunny, gaping into the distance as he pretends to be caught.

“Ahhhah!” Mark is practically hysterical now, burying his face into Jinyoung’s hip and trying to smother his laughter. Jinyoung flicks his forehead but stays hidden.

“It was so _embarrassing_ ,” Jackson whimpers. 

Jinyoung glares at him around a pillow. “For you?!” He gasps, “what about me?”

Jackson plants his arms on either side of their heap of bodies and leans in, eyebrows waggling suggestively. “You didn't seem very embarrassed. You were all business.” He and Mark snicker like little kids.

“Jaebum told me to quit trying to close the door. And then, Jinyoung _grabbed_ Jaebum _hyung_ by the hair,” Jackson continues, voice pitched lower. Mark’s giggling slows down as he tries to catch his breath. “And _dragged_ his dick across his face!” He finishes with a flourish, and Jinyoung rolls his eyes but can feel his face turn beet red.

Mark clamps a hand over his own mouth, laughter evaporating and twists himself around to look at Jinyoung in shock. “ _Oh my god_ ,” he blurts out. “When did you become like this _.._?” He whispers.

“Jinyoungie always says he’s our mother, but it seems like he's more of a _Daddy_!” Jackson whispers the word in English, with a dirty tone. Mark is giggling again, tickling Jinyoung's waist and shaking him playfully.

The door creaks open and they all snap silent, wide eyes falling on an unsuspecting Youngjae. “Manager hyung brought us dinner,” he says, smacking the top body in the pile. Jackson flails back at him lazily.

He’s out again quickly, leaving the door open. “Nobody say anything to the babies,” Jinyoung hisses.

“Yugyeom was _with_ me!” Jackson counters. “If BamBam doesn't know by tomorrow it'd be a miracle!” He rolls off of them and heads to the kitchen.

Mark sobers a little at this exchange. “Gyeom saw too?” He says quietly, as they disentangle themselves and sit up.

“I’m doomed,” Jinyoung murmurs, standing up and straightening his shirt.

“He's probably feeling weird,” Mark sighs. “He can be… Prickly about stuff he doesn't understand.”

“I don't even know what I would to say to him,” Jinyoung says.

Mark looks sympathetic but it's clear he doesn't have a better idea. “When a mommy and a daddy get some time alone…” He starts, but Jinyoung cuts him off with a pillow to his face.

They shuffle together to the kitchen and join the other boys at the table where they’re already digging into bowls of takeout eagerly. 

Jinyoung unwraps a bowl and slurps quietly, trying to avoid crossing gazes with Jaebum, Yugyeom, or maybe worst of all, Jackson’s overjoyed troll face. He ends up alternating glares at his noodles and Mark’s delicately smug features.

Jaebum tilts his head at Mark in curiosity, finally catching Jinyoung's eye when he looks away from Mark. Jinyoung feels his cheeks heat up, the blush sudden and involuntary as something electric between them crackles. 

The very corner of Jaebum's pink mouth lifts into the smallest of smirks.

Jinyoung chokes on a noodle, coughing hard and turning away for a moment. 

“At least _one_ of you has a working gag reflex,” Jackson says, slurping loudly. Jinyoung freezes, eyes wide in disbelief.

“ _Jackson_!” Jaebum barks, eyes flashing as he reaches out to grab the nape of his neck in retaliation. 

Jackson evades his hand merrily, laughing. “Hyung~!” He shrieks, hiding partially behind Mark, who manages to hold back a laugh, eyes glittering.

BamBam snorts but thankfully doesn't seem to take it as anything serious, looking too preoccupied his food. Yugyeom doesn't look up from his bowl at all, but Jinyoung sees his ears have turned pink. 

Youngjae has stopped in the middle of a bite of pickled radish, the slice drooping from his frozen mouth like a cartoon tongue. His eyes flit between Jaebum and Jackson briefly, and then for some indiscernible reason, alight on Jinyoung. He swallows the radish with a strange, quizzical face as if he is trying to mentally solve an equation.

Jinyoung keeps his eyes on his food for the remainder of the meal, stony and silent.

 

//


	2. second

 

//

  
“Hyung,” Youngjae says, having appeared quietly over Jinyoung's shoulder as he washes some extra dishes. They ate takeout so often, everything in between piles up. Jinyoung doesn't care for the smell when it goes on too long, and it's a convenient excuse to avoid the others.

“Youngjae-yah,” Jinyoung chirps in greeting, eyes crinkling even as he scrubs hard at a pot from three days ago.

“At dinner, did you—wasn't it sort of weird what Jackson said?” Youngjae leans his back against the counter, looking at Jinyoung's face.

Jinyoung loses the scrubber into the dishwater. “He was just being gross,” he says, hand shuffling around in the deep pot as he hunts for the scrubber again.

“Jaebum hyung…” Youngjae murmurs. “Jaebum hyung seemed really upset by it. Do you think Jackson was.. talking about him?”

Jinyoung scrubs hard, mouth set in a thin line. “He likes to push Jaebum’s buttons, you know how he gets about hyung.” He turns the pot over and runs it under clean water.

Youngjae nods grimly. “So you think it could have happened? You think Jaebum hyung could be fooling around with Jackson hyung?”

Jinyoung feels the pot slip out of his rubber-gloved grasp, and it clangs heavily against the enamel of the sink like an alarm. “What?!” He gasps, turning to look at Youngjae with pink cheeks.

Youngjae looks resigned. “I guess they tease each other a lot. But I was really certain for a while,” he says, a hand suddenly twisting into Jinyoung's shirt sleeve, “I was really sure that hyung was in love with you. But I guess I had it wrong.”

“Yah, Youngjae, that's not— _you don't know_ what he meant, Jaebum and Jackson are not doing anything, it's just a joke.” Jinyoung scolds, peeling his gloves off and slapping them on the counter. He doesn't know why the thought irritates him, or maybe he does. 

“You can't just go around accusing people of fooling around or loving each other.” He sighs. “That's dangerous for all of us if it got out.”

Youngjae still looks sad, hand still fisted in his sleeve, face glum. Jinyoung huffs and crushes him into a warm hug. “Aigoo, Jaebum never loved me, there's nothing to be sad about, you weirdo.”

Youngjae rubs his face into Jinyoung's neck, humming gratefully. “I know,” he says as they draw apart. “I know it’s not true. Jaebum isn’t rich enough for you to like him back, anyhow.”

Jinyoung scoffs and flaps a wet dish towel at his head, and Youngjae laughs loudly as it splatters lingering soap up his nose. He shrieks as Jinyoung starts chasing him around the room. 

Jaebum steps into the kitchen then, right in Youngjae's path, and Youngjae practically topples over his own feet in surprise. Jinyoung runs into his back, but he’s too busy slapping the towel at him to notice why he's stopped. 

“Ah, hyung,” Youngjae says, a little awkwardly. Jinyoung snaps his head up, suddenly stiff, and tries not to hide behind Youngjae too obviously.

“You need help drying the dishes, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asks, passing Youngjae with a casual ruffling of his hair. He looks for a clean, dry rag in a drawer.

Jinyoung watches him almost wistfully for a moment, before Youngjae distracts him by throwing him two exaggerated thumbs up and scurrying out of the room.

Jinyoung scoffs again, throwing his wet towel at the back of his head, but he’s too late and it slops against the swinging door as it shuts behind him.

Jaebum has already started drying dishes, and Jinyoung looks at him cautiously. They haven't spoken since the other night and he doesn't know how to approach him. 

A moment passes. Jaebum’s jaw looks tight as he buffs at a large bowl.

“So you told Youngjae, too? I figured you'd run to Mark about it like usual, but now you're chatting about it with the maknae line?” The leader finally grits out.

Jinyoung's eyes practically pop out of his head, suddenly full of indignant rage. He sputters in silence for a moment before he can find his words again. “Excuse me?? I didn't say shit to that boy! He was in here asking me if I thought you were _fucking Jackson_ , thanks to that comedy routine at dinner!”

Jaebum sets the bowl down slowly, eyes widening in alarm.

“You said you would talk to them!” Jinyoung barrels on, wishing he hadn't thrown his towel away so he could whip the older boy with it. “I don't know what you said to Jackson but I guess it might've slipped your mind to tell him to keep the dinner table blowjob jokes to a _minimum_!”

“He thinks… He thought Jackson and I...?” Jaebum is trying not to laugh in Jinyoung's stormy face, hand over his mouth, but his trembling lips break into a radiant smile anyway. Jinyoung’s heart twists as his anger evaporates.

Jaebum laughs heartily, slapping his knees. When his deep voice melts into quieter chuckles, he picks up his dry dish towel and slings it playfully around the back of Jinyoung's neck. He tugs him forward slowly, Jinyoung letting his feet drag reluctantly inch by inch as he still pouts in disapproval.

But then Jaebum's face reaches his, warm breath over his lips, his smile touching his frown until they're both smiling. The dish towel keeps them close til Jaebum releases it, kissing him very softly and laughing. Jinyoung lets his hands slip up to rest lightly against Jaebum's stomach, enjoying the way he can feel the muscles tensing and relaxing with each chuckle and sigh.

“You know I can't control Jackson,” Jaebum pulls away after a long moment, before Jinyoung's fingers stray any further.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, taking the towel from his neck and moving toward the counter with the intention to keep drying where Jaebum had left off. “I know. Just like you know I wouldn't tell all my steamy details to Youngjae. Oh! And the most ridiculous thing, he thinks… He thought, before he figured you were fucking Jackson, he thought you were _in love with me_.” 

He sweeps the towel around a mug, fighting off the desire to see Jaebum's reaction to this. “It made him actually sad! Sad about us? Never existing? I don't know how his mind works, our Youngjae,” Jinyoung says softer now, trying to keep too much tenderness out of his voice.

Jaebum's arms wrap around him from behind, and Jinyoung sets the mug down as his hands start to tremble.

“He’s asked me about it a couple of times,” Jaebum murmurs, voice rumbling in Jinyoung's ear, breath hot against his skin. His chest presses against his back until they're snugly fit together. He hums for a moment. “I could never completely say no,” Jaebum admits.

Jinyoung's mind reels. The heat from the embrace is clouding his senses as he tries to understand what's been happening all this time, that it wasn't just a fantasy on his own side. Jaebum’s lips are tracing against his neck now, in real life.

He felt like he'd considered every option besides Jaebum liking him in return. At many times he'd wondered if there was something between Youngjae and Jaebum, but now confronted with the truth of the matter it sounds so ridiculous in comparison.

Jinyoung turns in Jaebum's embrace, the lip of the counter now pressing into the small of his back. But Jinyoung barely feels it, hands gripping Jaebum’s face to draw him into another kiss. This one is wet, filthy like the other night. Jaebum drags his teeth along Jinyoung's lower lip, biting it till they both taste the coppery tang of his blood, sucking until it rolls thick, swollen between his own and Jinyoung moans.

Out loud. In the kitchen. While the maknae line, Mark, and Jackson watch a movie in the next room.

Jaebum draws them both back to reality with a step backward, propping his arms against the counter and angling his hips away, cock already looking heavy in his sweatpants. Jinyoung traces the shape with his eyes, suddenly hungry to see it again, feeling like he didn't get _enough_ of it the last time. Like he didn't get his _fill_. He lets out something breathy, between a sigh and a laugh.

“Meet me in your en-suite?” Jaebum suggests, voice melodic.

Jinyoung’s face burns at the lewd reality of their conversation, at the reality of working with JB to keep doing this, and he nods before he loses courage again. He spins around to wipe ineffectively at the same dry mug, and hears Jaebum leave.

After he's cleaned another two mugs another two times, he deems it safe to slip out of the kitchen and past the others. Mark is the only one who seems to notice him, and he does so with wide, incredulous eyes. “Again?” He mouths at Jinyoung. He can't bring himself to respond, clamping a hand over his tingling mouth and scurries off to his room.

He leaves the lights off in both the maknae’s room and his own. He feels like a criminal, stepping lightly toward his bathroom, light dramatically slitting out from under the closed door.

Moments later under blinding fluorescents Jinyoung has his mouth full of Jaebum's thick cock, hot and heavy down his throat. He hollows his cheeks and lets his hands travel up and around Jaebum's tense thighs. He grasps each pert cheek of his ass and squeezes, kneading them in time with the pace of his swallowing motions. 

This helps him press his face deeper into Jaebum's crotch, dark public hair tickling his nose, the earthy musk of a man thrilling him, setting his nerves aflame. 

Nothing has come as simply and instinctively to Jinyoung as sex with Jaebum seems to, initial fumbling only serving to fuel the flickering fire in his gut. Everything about Jaebum seems so sexy to him now, from the smallest freckles at his eyes to the way he sometimes comes across as stiff and uncomfortable, from his hot temper to his firm, fatherly gaze when he keeps track of them all through airports and crowds.

He feels his own cock pulse and twitch without attention, and he marvels again at the memory of Jaebum coming untouched the last time. 

But he's getting touched now, Jinyoung thinks in satisfaction, letting Jaebum thrust into his mouth smoothly, bobbing in a rhythm and only gagging slightly. He applies extra pressure with his thick lips, noticing Jaebum fixates on them since that bruising kiss in the kitchen. He knows he’s watching them sliding and stretching, glistening with spit.

Jaebum lets out a high pitched noise, a whining gasp as he clearly struggles with what remains of his self control, hands scrambling at the wall behind Jinyoung. 

They haven't even made it into the shower, clothes only half discarded. Jinyoung absently notices Jaebum is still wearing one sock, while Jinyoung's own briefs are digging in around his calves, only tugged mostly off.

Jinyoung lets one hand move to roll Jaebum’s balls into his grasp, gently squeezing them and rocking pressure with his palm. His other fingers slide between Jaebum's cheeks, delicate yet deliberate, and he hears Jaebum's shaky moans in response.

“Jinyoung you don't have to—!” His voice breaks into a yelp, as Jinyoung's index finger circles the rim of his entrance, still fondling his balls in the other hand.

“You don't have to, I haven't tried it a lot,” Jaebum is whispering, and Jinyoung's cheeks burn with an unexpected blush as he thinks of how very often he’s fucked himself open on his fingers, imagining JB. 

Jinyoung slides his mouth off Jaebum's throbbing dick with a pop. “How many times?” Jinyoung wonders, snatching a nearby bottle of lotion and lubing up his fingers.

He waits for the answer as he swallows down on Jaebum's cock once more, finger back to teasing and Jaebum groans: “twice.”

“What did you think about?” Jinyoung pops off again, not saying “who,” but it's understood. This time he focuses attention on the swollen, purple head of Jaebum's cut cock, kitten-licking along the slit delicately as he awaits a reply.

“You.” Jaebum grinds out, trying to thrust into the heat of Jinyoung's mouth again, and Jinyoung finally lets him, pressing his tongue flat against the base of his dick as it slams deep into his throat. At the same moment he slips a finger wholly inside of Jaebum, who lets out a broken cry at the combined sensations.

“Mmm,” Jinyoung purrs around the mouthful of dick, managing something close to a smile as he presses in and out of Jaebum slowly. The hot suction of the older boy’s entrance melts away any remaining shyness for both of them.

Jaebum is thrusting deep and hard into Jinyoung's willing mouth, rocking back to meet his hand in tandem. Jinyoung closes his eyes in focus, letting his jaw relax as he simultaneously slips in another finger. Jaebum shouts in what sounds like genuine discomfort this time, and Jinyoung knows this might be too complicated, might be too much for a second time. But he wants Jaebum to see stars like he did. Wants Jaebum to blush when he thinks about this in public.

Jaebum is thrusting and panting faster again, as Jinyoung tastes precum while diligently scissoring in and out of Jaebum at the same frantic pace. His fingertips brush against a sensitive spot.

“Jinyynn—!!” Jaebum cries, face crumpling.

Jinyoung hollows his cheeks and moves his other hand from Jaebum’s balls to fist the base of his cock instead, jerking to meet his mouth. He continues to flick against the bundle of nerves inside Jaebum, and this combination shortly works him into a complete sobbing mess. Jaebum finishes hard and fast, thick ropes of cum shooting into Jinyoung's mouth. As fast as he earnestly tries to swallow around the seed, it overwhelms him slightly and he spits some out.

Jinyoung watches starry eyed as Jaebum collapses to his knees, cheeks flushed red. Jaebum still manages to work up a smile at the sight of Jinyoung's dribbling face and finds one of their t-shirts to daub it clean.

Jinyoung feels an afterglow of mild embarrassment flooding his nerves, but it gives way to exhilaration. He peels his underpants off all the way and follows a nude Jaebum out of the bathroom to his bed, shrouded in darkness.

With a flick of the light switch he can see Jaebum's body is still flushed, skin red, purpling hickies along his chest and legs. It makes Jinyoung feel hungry again, and his unattended cock pulses at the sight, still semi-erect. 

Jaebum makes quick work of wiping off his spent cock, flopping onto his back on the bed as he lets the ruined t-shirt drop to the floor uncharacteristically. Leader Jaebum would nag anyone else about it, but Jinyoung feels like he is clambering atop another Jaebum altogether.

“Tell me what you need,” Jaebum says quietly, reaching between them to palm at Jinyoung’s hardness.

Jinyoung stares down at him in silence, rolling a swollen lip between his teeth as he contemplates the question, the position, their circumstance. He grips the bedspread beneath Jaebum's hips nervously.

“Don’t start acting shy now,” Jaebum laughs, rolling them over and gently moving his fist along Jinyoung’s dick at a tortuous pace. Jinyoung is achingly hard in seconds, sighing as he rolls his hips to meet Jaebum's strokes.

“Tell me what you need?” Jaebum repeats, leaning down and kissing his aching lips. His hand stills, gripping Jinyoung's dick at its base. He gazes down at Jinyoung, sweaty hair sticking to his glowing skin. He drinks in the sight with glossy, smiling eyes that look too fond. 

“I wanna come,” Jinyoung groans quietly, lifting his hips off the bed in an attempt to move in Jaebum’s hand again.

Jaebum smiles tightly, hand still squeezing but not moving, pressing back Jinyoung’s eager hips with his other hand. “Tell me what you _need_.” He says again.

Leader Jaebum is the same as this Jaebum after all, Jinyoung thinks to himself dizzily, a bruising perfectionist. 

“I need to come,” Jinyoung says louder, rolling his hips insistently, “I need you to let me come, hyung,” he whines, voice softly cracking. “Please!”

Jaebum smiles indulgently, leaning back down to kiss him soundly. His hand flicks back and forth confidently, stroking Jinyoung to completion in a few lazy pumps. Jinyoung thinks vaguely that he would find it embarrassing if he weren't so immensely satisfied.

Jaebum retrieves the previously abandoned shirt from the floor to clean him up, wobbling over to the laundry basket to deposit it neatly now. Jinyoung watches him with lidded, content eyes.

Jaebum returns to curl into his side the next moment, but hums and stops Jinyoung from drawing the duvet over them both. “I can't stay,” he says, voice firm but gentle.

Jinyoung wraps Jaebum's arms around him defiantly, wiggling their warm, naked limbs into each other's sides. Jinyoung's knees knock into Jaebum's bony shins, and they wince and giggle quietly.

Jinyoung tries hard not to think about their jobs, tries hard not to think about fans or managers. He tries very desperately not to imagine their own apartment, Nora snoring beside them, and practically nobody knowing their names.

Jinyoung's throat suddenly aches, a knot forming and his eyes glassing over as he traces his fingers down Jaebum's abdomen. He knows he owes this moment to their time at JYPE. He knows he'd never have met and never have missed Jaebum otherwise. But it's a bittersweet existence, legs tangled with a boy who is legally— _contractually_ —the worst choice for a lover. 

It's like dancing along the edge of a cliff, Jinyoung thinks to himself, and Jaebum meets his eyes with an equally serious, concerned face. In the next moment he's kissing two slow tears off Jinyoung's face and Jinyoung sighs and laughs it off, but he still can't speak around the lump in his throat.

They dress after a while, Jinyoung biting his lip and trying to keep from grinning as Jaebum hunts for his one remaining sock. He finally plucks it off a lampshade, clearly trying not to look embarrassed. “You were a little excited, hyung?” Jinyoung teases.

Jaebum rolls his eyes at this, balancing precariously on one shaky leg to roll his sock on, and this is when the maknae's lights flick on and Youngjae and BamBam barge in, loudly. Jaebum freezes.

“Hyung! Youngjae doesn't want to watch Drive, but we let him pick the last movie!” BamBam is whining.

“We’ve watched a Ryan Gosling movie practically every night this week, I'm sick of—” Youngjae counters, but freezes in place as he notices Jaebum's position. 

Has a foot going into a sock ever looked so incriminating, Jinyoung wonders.

Jackson sweeps in a moment after them, launching himself onto BamBam’s back and covering his eyes with his hands. “Don’t taint this child!” He hoots.

Youngjae stays focused on Jaebum. “You were barefoot, hyung?” He demands, pointing a finger.

“So?” Jaebum snaps back.

Youngjae looks at Jackson suspiciously. “You’re okay with this?” He wonders.

“What?” Jackson slides off of BamBam’s back, and now they're both equally lost. “Am I okay with Jaebum wearing socks? Yes. I support our leader keeping his feet warm.” He says, sarcastically solemn. BamBam chortles.

Youngjae moves to take a closer look at Jinyoung, hair a rumpled mess. “Hyung,” he startles. “You….” he points at his mouth and Jinyoung's eyes widen in alarm. He leaps from bed back to his bathroom.

Sure enough, the mirror and harsh lighting reveal the swollen, bruised state of his already plump lips. “Fucking Im Jaebum, are you an animal?” Jinyoung says under his breath. This won't be good for tomorrow's schedules.

“It just seems kind of greedy to me?” Youngjae’s voice rings out. Jinyoung's eyes pop wide again, scurrying back into his room. 

“First Jackson, now—nmmff,” Jaebum moves swiftly to clamp a hand over Youngjae’s mouth. 

“Watch anything you like, BamBam,” Jaebum says, cheerfully.

“All of this over some socks? You guys are getting pettier and pettier,” BamBam mutters, blissfully oblivious as he practically skips out of the room.

“First Jackson?” Jackson repeats as Jaebum finally releases Youngjae.

“Isn't that what you meant? At dinner?” Youngjae loosely gesticulates a blowjob.

Jackson collapses into laughter at the poor pantomime.

“I thought you were talking about you and Jaebum!” Youngjae booms. “Right? And now he's moving in on Jinyoung! Who’s just going to get his feelings hurt.”

Jackson is shaking with silent laughter, rolling onto his back on the floor, eyes glazed and wide.

“Don't hurt yourself,” Jinyoung mutters, toeing him in the ribs and rolling his eyes.

Jaebum sighs, rubbing the back of Youngjae's neck comfortingly. “I never did anything with Jackson. He was teasing me about us,” he gestures to Jinyoung. “He saw me with Jinyoung.”

Youngjae looks at Jinyoung again, who feels shy now. Youngjae repeats his blowjob gesture with a questioning face in his direction. Jinyoung can't help but break into a blush and a laugh, and he covers his guilty face even as he nods.

“Uummaaa~!” Youngjae shouts, pointing and laughing. “When were you going to tell me??”

“Never!” Jinyoung snaps back, eyes wide. “On what planet would I tell a baby about my personal life?!”

Youngjae’s laugh rings out like a bell. “I'm twenty, I know plenty!”

“You thought Jaebum hyung would suck my dick, what do you know?!” Jackson scolds, sitting up and shaking Youngjae's leg. 

“You're giving our leader too much credit,” Jinyoung says quietly, with a smirk, but not quietly enough.

“What!” Jaebum says, eyes wide and face the picture of betrayal as he turns to Jinyoung in shock. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“He's right! It's already shocking enough you've seduced our Jinyoungie, but _two_ of us? We aren't all completely tasteless.” Jackson says, lips twitching.

“Yah!” Jaebum flicks him in the forehead. “Jinyoung has good taste.”

“I guess you _would_ know what he tastes like, wouldn't you?” Jackson stikes back immediately, eyes glittering with mischief. 

Youngjae shrieks with laughter but covers his ears. “Don’t—!” He laughs. “Don't make me think about it anymore!”

 

//

 

 


	3. third

 

 

//

  
Jaebum lifts him off his feet, Jinyoung immediately wrapping his legs around his waist.

Jaebum balances him easily like this, one hand gripped around an asscheek. Jinyoung locks his arms around his shoulders and kisses along the bristling tendons in his neck. 

Jinyoung can't get enough of Jaebum's lean, taut strength. He isn't too hard or bulky, but he feels solid and masculine, and it makes Jinyoung want to rub himself against him like a cat in heat.

Jaebum maneuvers them around and slams Jinyoung against a wall of the storage closet now, pinning his body weight against it and rolling their hips together. Their kissing is wet and languid now, as if they have all the time in the world. They don't. 

Jaebum lifts a hand to stroke Jinyoung's cheek and Jinyoung captures it in his suddenly, dragging it forward and engulfing three of his long fingers into his mouth.

“Nyoung,” Jaebum whines, watching helplessly as the other swallows up and down on his fingers, stretching his pink lips obscenely. “We don't have time.”

Jinyoung lets his open mouth water and dives down over his knuckles again, drawing back slowly and smiling in satisfaction as a resilient thick strand of saliva stays connected before splintering vividly.

“Just a little bit,” he says breathily, unzipping his pants and rocking his hips against Jaebum's swelling cock.

“This isn't the place,” Jaebum whines a bit, but then he's setting him down for a moment. Jinyoung shucks his own pants and briefs completely, then unzips Jaebum's pants and frees his erection. Jinyoung clambers back into his arms the next second, mewling and rolling his cock against the older boy’s.

Jaebum is exceptionally bad at refusing Jinyoung. He presses him back up against the wall the next moment, moaning loudly as Jinyoung takes their dicks in hand and strokes them together. 

Two is too much for his grip, and the friction is slightly too warm, sensitive skin dragging without lubricant. But Jinyoung's cock is already beginning to weep pearls of precum that help the slide, and the knowledge of how easily they could be interrupted heightens their arousal. 

Jaebum presses his wet fingers back into Jinyoung's mouth again, watching hungrily as they plunge in and out, Jinyoung's pink lips stretching and dragging along with them.

Jinyoung watches Jaebum's dark gaze on his mouth, and leaves it agape to let it water as much as possible. Saliva slicks over Jaebum's knuckles, and he withdraws them with an obviously satisfied moan. They glisten, and Jinyoung licks his lips as Jaebum brings them back and around the swell of his ass.

Jaebum kisses him again, and Jinyoung keeps his mind focused on working their cocks against each other. He feels Jaebum start to play with his puckered rim, and he lets out a meek noise as one finger presses inside him.

Jaebum takes his time despite his protests that they don't have any, diligently massaging the pressing walls and setting a firm, gentle pace to his thrusts. 

Jinyoung grows needy, bites down on Jaebum's shoulder while he continues stroking their cocks between them, simultaneously rocking insistently back onto Jaebum's finger. “More!” He begs, frotting against him desperately, and Jaebum acquiesces, adding another long, careful finger.

The pace is still deliberately slow, Jaebum pressing Jinyoung back into the wall for stability. Jinyoung shudders erratically, trying at once to meet Jaebum’s scissoring thrusts and rock forward into the velvety grind of dick on dick. It's messy, and louder than he expected, a slapping of tender, raw skin and the unmentionable noises of Jaebum fingerfucking him deeper and harder. 

After Jaebum adds his third finger it sends Jinyoung into hysterics, desperately scrambling against him as he feels the brush of a fingernail against his prostate. 

The temperature in the room has tripled now, the air stale with the salty scent of sweat and the deeper funk of sex. Their combined musk seems to only multiply with the intensifying friction, and Jinyoung wonders briefly how they'll be able to step out without alerting everyone in the building.

But it's a fleeting thought, quick to burn off as Jinyoung reaches feverish heights of stimulation, begging and bouncing back against Jaebum's hand. “More, please, _hyung_ ,” he whines, “moremoremore just a little, just a bit, pleaseplease more, give me some more.”

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum gasps, humping up against him and dragging his fingers out for a moment. “This isn't the place.” 

“Pleeease,” Jinyoung is begging, “just a bit just a little bit, hyung just a little—!” In a second and with just a shift of his hips, Jinyoung grasps Jaebum's dick and positions the head at his entrance. He lets gravity take control and sinks onto it, his overwhelming heat enveloping the tip in an instant. 

Jinyoung mewls victoriously, eyes scrunching shut in delight and smiling wide, still stroking his cock and feeling his orgasm approaching. He tries to press his hips further down to take more of him, slipping down by inches, but Jaebum grips his ass cheeks securely and pins his body in place against the wall to keep from inserting himself fully.

This isn't an appropriate place or time, and Jinyoung still needs to be in dancing condition as early as their first schedule tomorrow. This is already too dangerous, and too stimulating. Jinyoung's molten hot grip and diminutive, rolling attempts to fuck further onto his cock send Jaebum's sensitive nerves into overdrive. 

He feels himself flying over the edge too soon and fixes his eyes on Jinyoung's flushed face as he comes, mere inches inside of him. The abrupt warmth of his emission filling Jinyoung push the younger into ecstasy as well. He comes quickly with a helpless cry and makes a mess against Jaebum's shirt.

Their disastrous appearance is not foremost on either of their minds as they kiss with gasping, open mouths. 

They part only in desperate need of air. “I-i’m sorry I didn’t last very long. I didn't expect that to feel so good,” Jaebum says, turning pink.

Jinyoung cradles Jaebum's bashful face with his balmy hands and kisses him deeply, reverently. “Don’t apologize for that,” he whispers, “you're such a good oppa; thank you.”

The use of _oppa_ somehow feels more perverted than when Jinyoung had called him a cockslut, and Jaebum's face flashes from pink to red and back, smiling anyway. Jaebum lets Jinyoung slide carefully down onto trembling legs again. 

Jinyoung sighs and sags back against the wall, pantless, feeling wicked and wrecked.

“Aiiish,” Jaebum says wearily, pulling his sticky shirt away from his abdomen. 

Jinyoung pulls his underwear and trousers on gingerly, hoping he won't have to stay sticky too much longer, and then eyes JB’s wardrobe malfunction guiltily. Jaebum finishes tucking his shirt in but the awkward stain is still exposed. 

“Zip this up,” Jinyoung suggests, tugging Jaebum's leather jacket by the lapels and then zipping it halfway. “that should be okay. Halfway doesn't look so bad, right?”

Jaebum watches him quietly tidy him up and the scenario, while still lewd, feels strangely domestic. Like Jinyoung is a wife, sending Jaebum away to work. Jinyoung senses the warmth in Jaebum's gaze and looks up at him coyly through long lashes. “So handsome,” he simpers.

Jaebum laughs and pushes his hands away, and the moment dissolves into reality. They're sticky and post-coital, in a closet in the JYPE basement. 

  
//

  
“So wait… How far have you two gone? Just oral stuff?” Mark asks, casually.

“How _far_? We have to measure it out for you?” Jinyoung snaps, feeling like he's being interrogated.

“What _base_?” Jackson asks in English.

“Third,” Mark assures him, passing the takeout box of fries they smuggled into Jinyoung’s room. 

“Which _base_?” Jinyoung growls.

“Base, like in baseball, but for how far you go sexually.” Jackson says cheerfully, like they're talking about the weather. “But isn't third base boob stuff?” He turns back to Mark, reaching out and pinching a nipple.

Mark squeals, laughing and slapping the hand away. “I thought that's like second, or shortstop or something.”

“Neither of us even _have_ boobs,” Jinyoung says disdainfully. “This doesn't sound very accurate.”

Jackson's eyes widen at this. “Oh, are there different bases for gay stuff?” He asks, and he looks at Mark expectantly.

Jinyoung blanches at “gay” tossed out in such a flippant tone. He nibbles on a fry anxiously.

“Why do you think I would know?” Mark asks, pretending to look shocked and clutching at his collar. “I think maybe they're in the dugout already.”

“Have you gone _all the way_?” Jackson turns back to Jinyoung.

“All of this talk about distance makes me tired,” Jinyoung murmurs, munching on yet another fry. “We've just been having fun, and no, we haven't… All the way.”

“Just _having fun_?” Jackson repeats. “You’re telling me JB is just getting his dick wet. That doesn’t sound like him.”

“Or you,” Mark adds, grabbing a fry.

Jinyoung lets the whole box flop open between them on his bed, pursing his lips and drowning in his thoughts. “Youngjae did say…” He stops, unsure if he should share so much. “Well, Youngjae said he always thought hyung… Liked me.”

Mark raises his eyebrows.

“Well, Youngjae said, _loved_ me. Was secretly in love with me.” Jinyoung rattles on. Mark and Jackson glance at each other. “And when I _told_ Jaebum, because I thought that was pretty _funny_ , Jaebum said—Youngjae had _asked_ him before.”

Jackson squawks and clutches at Jinyoung's knees, knocking them together.

“Jinyoung!” Mark whispers.

Jinyoung looks between the two of them with wide, searching eyes, stomach backflipping as he realizes he's finally expressed what he's tried so hard not to consider. “That doesn't _mean_ anything, right?” He says. “It just means he’s… thought about me.”

Mark hums. “What did he say? Did he deny it?”

“He said… he never could say no, completely….” Jinyoung murmurs. Jackson and Mark’s eyes double in size. “But–! I think he just meant Youngjae never believed him.”

“Maybe,” Mark says. “But at least he didn't shoot it down. At least he didn't think it was all a big joke like you.”

“Have you ever had Youngjae tell you he thinks somebody is in love with you?! You would laugh in his big face too.” Jinyoung mutters, angrily biting a fry.

Mark smiles softly, seeming to imagine it. “He's sharper than you think,” he says. “And his heart is always in the right place.”

“You don't have to defend your dog's mother so strongly,” Jackson says slyly, poking Mark in his side.

“Don't act jealous, it's not attractive,” Mark snickers, pulling Jackson's hat down over his eyes.

“But it's Markson, not Markjae~,” Jackson whines, tucking his face into Mark's neck. 

“Show some respect for my baby mama,” Mark says, “and are you sure about Markson? Not Jackbum or Jackbam? And Jinson!” He swats at a giggling Jackson. “I’ve seen them all, you little hoe!” He shouts in English, and they completely dissolve into a wriggling pile of laughter, and the forgotten fries tumble off the bed and scatter to the floor.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes and his head back, exhausted of the conversation. Jackson and Mark have always joked the most about fan pairings, and it's never bothered him until one actually started happening. 

Well, he’s not being entirely truthful. It had bothered him before but in a different way. Before, the pairings would often make him jealous, as much as he didn’t want to admit it. Everyone in Got7 seems to look good together, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel a little envy when Jaebum would embrace Youngjae or Jackson, or pet the maknae a little too long. It was easy to overturn this feeling by dialing up his own skinship with someone else, and everyone was willing.

But now, the jokes feel flippant, laughing off the idea of their relationship as another deluded fantasy. This eats away at Jinyoung, because he’s still concerned – no matter how many bases he and Jaebum seem to steal – that what’s happening isn’t genuine. The entertainment business is already warped enough. People aren’t meant to be watched so closely. Add fan pairings and skinship-for-show to that and it’s easy to lose your grip on reality.

Was this evolution of JJProject just the misguided result of nostalgia? Or most likely, and somehow most painfully, was it just a physical release? Contractually caged and under an immense amount of stress, any healthy 20-something could be looking for a release.

Jinyoung shifts his neck and peeks down at Mark and Jackson, still sort of wrestling and tickling each other. Legs intertwined and gasping for air between laughs, their pink cheeks could be from simple enthusiasm or…?

“Do _bros_ suck each others dicks?” Jinyoung asks suddenly. “Have you guys done that?”

Mark topples onto the floor with a squeak, Jackson having abruptly let go of his wrists. They both look at him with what seems to be genuine bewilderment. 

“No,” Jackson says after a moment, glancing at Mark as if to confirm, and then wrinkling his nose as he further contemplates it. “No, we haven't!”

“ _What_ are you talking about?” Mark flops onto his back on the floor in shock.

“Is it just a normal thing, I mean?” Jinyoung wonders, “all guys get horny, some guys help each other out?”

“Are you offering?” Jackson winks exaggeratedly.

Mark kicks his shin from his spot on the floor, rolling his eyes before he turns back to Jinyoung. “Stop it. That's not what's going on with you two.”

“Jaebum isn't your bro,” Jackson adds, pinching Jinyoung's knee. “He's your wife.”

Mark kicks him again, but it's softer this time. “He means you guys have _feelings_ for each other.”

Jinyoung feels surprised at this, and his face must echo it. He sits up, breath suddenly short. 

Mark and Jackson frown at each other. “You didn't think so?” Jackson wonders, turning back to Jinyoung.

“I know we _have_ feelings,” Jinyoung says, remembering how tender Jaebum's eyes have been, how vulnerable his voice sounded when he said he was the sensitive one. 

“It's true, though,” Mark says, drawing himself up and resting his chin on his knees. “You have feelings for each other that you don't have for anybody else. You're the only ones who know what the other has been through. You’re special to one another.”

The sentiment is sweet, but it makes Jinyoung queasy at how closely it hits to his own feelings. Jinyoung wonders, not for the first time, why he couldn't have been in love with Mark instead. Or anyone else. Someone who lets themselves feel more - or at least shows that he feels at all. In comparison, Jaebum is wound tight, deep feelings shuttered off to others. 

Jinyoung falls back on his bed with an overly dramatic sigh, wanting desperately to stop prying further into his heart. “Leave me alone to die,” he wails, turning onto his side and clutching his pillow and frowning at the floor. “And don't forget to clean this up.”

“Don't be stupid,” Mark says as they head out, “it's your mess.”

  
//

  
The movie is longer than Jinyoung expected, and his eyelids are growing heavy as the night wears on. He shifts his position slightly and Jaebum seems to tense, just fractionally, behind him. 

They’re spooned a bit. It was unintentional from the beginning of movie night, when Jackson, Bam and Yugyeom were also attempting to squeeze onto the same couch in spite of the actual size. Jinyoung and Jaebum had both willingly pivoted, and even though the other 3 have left now, they’ve remained curled against each other like a pair of parentheses. At this point, Jinyoung is half atop Jaebum’s crooked lap, his thigh a warm constant behind Jinyoung’s own, and he can’t complain. 

Jinyoung glances across at Youngjae on the floor, long since having fallen asleep and snoring lightly on Mark’s shoulder, Coco curled between them. Mark’s head has fallen completely back, mouth wide open as he’s also long gone.

Jinyoung purses his lips and considers their situation. He shifts again, subtly enough still to be repositioning, leaning down more so his hips align differently, more directly against Jaebum's. Jaebum grips at his waist suddenly, too suddenly to be unrelated, and Jinyoung licks his lips.

Jaebum is the first to move, tentatively, seemingly testing the sound and feel of it. He rolls his crotch against Jinyoung's ass. Leaning forward now, Jinyoung feels Jaebum's growing bulge drag between his cheeks and against his balls. He feel the blood rush to his cock, his face heating up in tandem at the familiar twist of arousal.

He tries to maintain a casual expression as he pushes his hips back to meet Jaebum's dick. Jaebum shifts his position again and drags Jinyoung fully onto his lap. They must be going out of their damn minds, he thinks to himself, trying not to focus on the others in the room. He feels Jaebum's cock twitch. The soundtrack of the movie pulses evenly, their breaths following the beat.

Jaebum's grasp on his waist tightens, guiding his pelvis against his own with singular aim, humping up to smash his denim-clad erection against the younger’s sweatpants. Jinyoung feels it through the cotton, feels the heavy seam of Jaebum’s zipper, the stiff tent as it pumps and drags against the base of his own dick. He’s too embarrassed to turn back and see Jaebum’s face, too nervous to imagine his expression. But the friction is good, too good to ignore even though their bandmates are in the room. 

Jinyoung tries to withhold a moan and lets his head fall back as he swivels his hips in a tight, slow circle, punctuating a thrust from Jaebum. He feels like an exotic dancer, giving a private show. He feels Jaebum trace fingers down his arched back, hears a deep hum of appreciation. Jaebum makes him feel sexy.

Jaebum increases the depth and speed of his grinding now, and the sound of material rustling alone feels criminal. Jinyoung bites into his own clenched fist to silence himself as he rocks back against the hard cock between his cheeks. His own dick has boned up in his sweats, its swollen head peeking out the top of the waistband shamefully. Jinyoung wants to touch it, but he also just wants to break Jaebum off. The sudden need to pleasure him is overwhelming, like a fever, and he mewls quietly into his fist.

A snort from one of their sleeping roommates sends a temporary shock through them both, their rocking pausing for a second. Upon confirming both boys are still asleep, Jinyoung decides it was still too close, too open. Despite the heat he's feeling, he grabs a discarded blanket from the back of the couch and turns himself around on Jaebum's lap, draping it over both of their bodies.

Face to face and feeling safer under the throw, Jaebum kisses Jinyoung soulfully, wrapping his arms around him and clutching at his round ass, fingers prying his cheeks farther apart. Jinyoung presses them together head to toe, rocking his leaking cock against Jaebum's tented jeans. They roll against each other insistently, breath accelerating as they near the edge.

Jinyoung pulls back to litter soft, sloppy little kisses across Jaebum's face, suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for this moment: the quiet of the house and the aching pace of their hips. Jaebum's thrusts stutter, and with a sigh he comes first. Jinyoung isn't far behind, watching his blissed out face and briefly enjoying the warmth of his own release as it spreads into his sweatpants.

The damp spot seems gross in the next instant, and he wrinkles his nose playfully at Jaebum. “Look what you’ve done,” he whispers.

“I can still add another load to the washing machine,” Jaebum's offering hoarsely when Jinyoung rolls off of him to survey the room, exhausted and sticky. The movie is quietly coming to an end, and Youngjae is still snoring softly, Coco beside him. 

But Mark has disappeared. Jinyoung covers his face with his hands at the realization.

Jaebum lets his head rock back with a sigh. “At least he already knew,” he says quietly.

It still feels disrespectful. Not wanting to add insult to injury, Jinyoung resolves to address it first thing in the morning.

He stands to leave, legs trembling a little, and Jaebum grips his wrist to stop him.

“I don't get a goodnight?” He asks, looking up at him with teasing, twinkling eyes.

Jinyoung looks at the hand wrapped around his wrist for a moment, before shifting his arm so their fingers interlace instead. “Why don't you come to bed?” He counters. “Then we don't have to say goodnight.”

Something sad flickers across Jaebum's face. “You know we shouldn't do that,” he says, soft. His thumb delicately traces over the back of Jinyoung's hand. Jinyoung tries not to shiver. 

“Having sleepovers would be the first hint to give us away,” Jaebum says.

“Jackson sleeps with BamBam all the time,” Jinyoung snaps. “And you and Youngjae—!” He stops himself as his voice raises, glancing at the mentioned boy who's still snoring on the ground. He tries to swallow back the sudden lump of jealousy rising in his throat.

“But the managers think you like to be alone,” Jaebum says.

“I don't.” Jinyoung says, voice breaking.

Jaebum tilts his head, wordlessly pleading with him to be reasonable. Jinyoung squeezes his hand once more before letting go and heads to his room in silence.

He stares at the ceiling in bed for an hour, maybe two, feeling cold and seasick. He's shivering and wondering if he had been too pushy when he hears someone softly picking a trail through the crowded maknae's room.

His door slides open slowly and in an instant Jaebum has slipped under his bedspread with him. At last, Jinyoung feels warm from the inside out, resting his head on Jaebum's broad chest and letting their ankles cross over each other. 

Sleep comes too soon.

  
//

  
“We've got six schedules today,” Seunghoon is saying, casually leaning in the doorway. 

“And we're awake,” Jaebum says hoarsely, sitting up slowly as he disentangles himself from a still-bleary Jinyoung’s clutches.

Seunghoon is giving Jaebum a look he's never given him before. Jinyoung watches without sitting up, willing his face to be emotionless.  

“When do we have to be at the van, hyung?” Jaebum checks his phone for the time. “Forty minutes, right?”

Seunghoon nods stiffly, eyes on Jinyoung now. The gaze is harder, sharper than it was with Jaebum, and blatantly suspicious. 

“Did you wake the others?” Jaebum asks, shouldering past Seunghoon and into the maknae’s room. Seunghoon turns slightly but keeps frowning at Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung keeps his eyes on his duvet as he gets up and gingerly makes the bed.

“You sick?” Seunghoon asks quietly. “You cold or something last night?”

Jinyoung shrugs. “Yeah, and Youngjae was snoring,” he offers.

“Jaebum's used to it,” Seunghoon counters.

Jinyoung finally levels a frigid stare at the manager. What does he want to hear? He tries a second shrug then, face fully committed to acting dumbstruck now, a touch of aegyo in his whiskered smile.

Seunghoon mirrors his shrug and turns away, finally seeming satisfied. 

  
//

  
Mark doesn't make eye contact with him in the car, burying his face in a tumbler of hot tea.

“I'm really sorry,” Jinyoung is whispering, fingers digging into his knee. “Really, I thought you were totally passed out…”

“It's fine,” huffs Mark. “Well, no it’s not, but please just stop talking about it. I'm trying to forget. I don't need to carry the memories of those noises with me forever.”

“We tried to be _quiet_ ,” Jinyoung hisses.

“You _weren't_ ,” Mark snaps.

“You're not being quiet now, either,” Youngjae says from the other side of Mark. “Is this about them humping on the couch?”

Jinyoung pales, leaning forward to glare at Youngjae in shock. “You were _dead asleep_ ,” he whispers.

“I didn't wake up,” Youngjae says, “hyung complained about it this morning when we took Coco out.”

Jinyoung draws back to glare at Mark, who snorts. “He already _knows_ ,” Mark says. “The only ones who don't are BamBam and management. But heads up, grinding in the living room isn't gonna keep them in the dark for long.”

“Coco still doesn't know,” Youngjae offers, smiling wide.

Mark’s lips twitch minutely as he hides in his drink again, and continues ignoring Jinyoung for most of the day. In turn, a guilty Jinyoung tries his best to avoid Jaebum, tries his best to avoid further temptation.

  
//

  
Are they really supposed to talk about it at some point? Jinyoung isn't sure what there is to _say_ , anyhow. They like each other’s dicks, but he knows that doesn't mean there's anything behind it. 

He only successfully avoids Jaebum for about a week and then fate finds them almost alone in the dorms due to Jackson and Bambam’s filming schedules and Mark and Youngjae out with Coco. Yugyeom is gaming listlessly in the living room, fingers clacking across the keyboard incessantly. 

They finally cross paths when Jinyoung ventures out after a long bath in hopes of attempting to make the world's quietest cup of coffee. Jaebum intercepts him and presses Jinyoung through his room’s door instead, silently and smoothly.

Jinyoung struggles not to giggle, suddenly breathless as Jaebum dips him down onto the mattress, faces both pink and fingers gently brushing against each other’s sides. 

“Hyu~ng,” he says with a sigh, as Jaebum dips down to breathe heavily into the side of his neck.

“—Smell so good, Nyoungie,” Jaebum is saying, tone rumbling into Jinyoung’s collarbone, echoing all down his ribs. “Love how you smell,” he mumbles, mouthing along his jawline now. It grows wet and sloppy quickly.

Jinyoung’s nerves sparkle at the mention of love. It sends a twist to his gut and has him sitting up with a feeble protest, hands flattening against Jaebum's broad chest and pushing slightly.

Jaebum withdraws, flushed red and suddenly alert. “Did I scrape you?” He wonders, scanning along the other’s neck immediately. Jinyoung laughs nervously and shakes his head.

“I'm fine, I'm just, a little… Curious.” He manages to grind out.

“Curious?” Jaebum repeats, shifting his thighs to more comfortably frame Jinyoung’s kneeling form. “About what?”

“About this,” Jinyoung breathes, and then gestures vaguely between the two of them. 

Jaebum pauses with a frown. “Us?” He asks.

Jinyoung nods, suddenly feeling helpless. A what are we hangs unspoken in the air, the small shared room suddenly feeling stale and claustrophobic. A week ago, Jinyoung begged for more inside a closet, but now he's asking for something different, and he thinks the walls might close in on them in shame. Youngjae's belongings seem to shriek at him. He feels like he's desecrating a shrine.

“What do you want to know,” Jaebum says, cocking his head. “Are you worried about our future?”

Jinyoung doesn't expect this line of thought. “Nnot… Yet. I'm still not sure about our… Now,” he admits.

“Now?” Jaebum repeats, pulling a quizzical face. His voice drops low, brows settling into a firm expression. “Right now? When I was about to eat you out before Coco came back from the park?”

Jinyoung tries not to let his breath hitch out of control, tries to focus on breathing evenly. Is Jaebum trying to distract him? Is he avoiding the obvious question of their relationship by teasing him? 

“You're curious about now, Nyoung?” Jaebum continues in a growl, caging him in with his arms and crawling towards him so Jinyoung has to flop back onto the mattress. “Now, when I wanted to tongue you wide open and see if you taste as sweet as you smell?”

“Hyung,” Jinyoung says, voice hoarse. “That's not exactly what I meant.”

“Well, what _did_ you mean?” Jaebum wonders, shimmying Jinyoung’s pants and underwear down his legs and massaging slow, bruising circles into his thighs. He stares up him from between his knees, hot breath gusting against his balls.

“Us,” Jinyoung stammers, and Jaebum immediately laves a wet stripe against his inner thigh, hands moving to grip his ankles and pushing them up and back to pivot his entrance more into view. Jinyoung arches his back, a gasp tickling through his gut with another lick on the opposite thigh.

His dick is swelling already, curving like an embarrassing pink paint stroke against his belly.

“W-what are we?” He mewls, shoving a hand into his mouth immediately after, biting against his knuckles to dampen a moan. Jaebum is teasing his rim with his tongue, licking flat and hot against it with tiny kitten strokes. Jinyoung’s legs try to flail but just end up twitching in Jaebum’s iron grip. 

Jaebum chuckles, breath flitting hot and cold against his wet entrance.

“You're mine,” he says, voice dipped low as he peers up at him with smiling, crescent eyes. “You're mine and no one else’s.”

Jinyoung barely has a moment to let his brows furrow in contemplation before Jaebum ducks his head back down to press his tongue inside him.

Jinyoung’s body arcs off the mattress, his head falling back with a strangled, blissful cry.

  
//

  
The van is quiet. After an exhausting, albeit exhilarating streak of award wins, the boys are drained. It's late, and everyone is looking forward to getting back to their cramped dorm.

Mark chokes on a slurp of his tea, eyes locked on his phone after it buzzes with a text alert. In the front passenger seat, Jinyoung watches in the rear view mirror patiently, his own phone clenched tightly in his lap.

Junior 3:42AM  
Which base is rimming?

Jackson leans over Mark’s shoulder to peep at his messages and then makes wide, goggled eyes at Jinyoung. Jaebum is asleep in the middle row and Jackson shifts his wide eyes to examine the leader’s peaceful resting expression.

“Defsoul gets down like that?!” Jackson gasps.

“Shut up! It's a group chat for a reason dummy!” Jinyoung hisses, turning around and waving his phone at him. Mark also shushes him and hits him with an elbow, tapping out a response hurriedly. Jackson fishes his own phone out of his pocket hastily.

Mark 3:42AM  
When rhefucj did rhat happn??

Junior 3:43AM  
You were on a walk, what do u think it means

Jackson 3:43AM  
What!!! We  
Was I in the house????  
what about the kids? Some1 think of the children

Mark 3:44AM  
What do u mean what does it mean?  
It means u gotta lock that down  
Wife him up

Jackson cackles until a sleepy BamBam nuzzles into his shoulder. He quiets down and angles his phone farther away from the younger boy.

Junior 3:45AM  
No one is wifing anybody up  
I asked him ‘what are we’ while he was  
Down there

Jackson 3:45AM  
During????   
U dropped WHAT R WE while my guy was eating u out  
Wtfffffffff

Mark topples over against the car window, hand gripped tight over his mouth to hold back his laughter. Jackson and a sleeping BamBam follow like dominos. 

Jackson 3:45AM  
U r stone cold

Mark 3:45AM  
What did he say

Jackson 3:46AM  
I mean culd he even spk tho ??  
Srsly rude  
That's gotta b worse thn when adentist asks u q’s

Jinyoung turns around to glare at them both briefly. Neither look up, both impatiently blinking at their phones. He sighs, and then carefully taps out his reply.

Junior 3:47AM  
He said  
You're mine  
And no one else's

Mark’s jaw drops open and he lets his phone flop down to stare up at Jinyoung in shock.

“Daebak…” Jackson murmurs in awe, reaching over the middle row and petting Jaebum’s hair reverently.

Jaebum shifts in his sleep, and Jinyoung, Mark and Jackson freeze for a moment before relaxing again. 

Junior 3:49AM  
What does that mean though

Mark 3:50AM  
r u kidding?

Jackson 3:50AM  
HES YUR WIFE

Jackson looks genuinely angry when Jinyoung turns to give him a skeptical scowl. “YOU’RE MARRIED!” Jackson mouths, but it's with such fervor it still comes out as a hoarse whisper.

“You've gotta be the worst communicator on the planet,” Mark says at a normal volume.

“ _Me_?” Jackson turns to gape at Mark, still whispering.

“No! Junior.” Mark says, and Jinyoung recoils in shock at this statement. The company driver spares them a glance, eyeing Jinyoung beside him distastefully in spite of having no idea what they’re discussing. Jinyoung's jaw drops and he clasps an offended hand over his heart as he looks back and forth between the back row and the driver in horror. Everyone is against him.

He makes a point of dramatically locking his phone so Mark and Jackson can see he's leaving the conversation, and then curls in on himself. Grateful for the solitude of the front seat, he brings his knees up to his chest and sulks.

Is it really his fault? Is there something obvious he's missing? Jaebum hadn't answered the question to his satisfaction. He'd said something cool, maybe, something that set Jinyoung's nerves on fire in the moment. And yeah, he'd eaten the hell out of his ass.

But Jaebum hadn't said anything about himself. Anything about his feelings. 

He'd said Jinyoung was his alone, but Jinyoung had already known that in his heart for ages. Jinyoung had been Jaebum's since they’d met in auditions.

But was Jaebum his?

  
//


	4. fourth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m having so much fun writing this! I am going on a trip for the next week so I'm afraid the next/final piece will probably be delayed. 
> 
> The good news is this chapter is pretty long! But it is kind of a rollercoaster since not everything can be sugary smooth sailing ~(◕︿◕✿)

 

 

//

  
“I don't feel bad for you,” Mark is saying, holding Coco’s little legs still while Youngjae carefully combs knots out of her tail hair, tongue between his teeth in concentration.

“Why not? My life is a silent tragedy.” Jinyoung murmurs, squeezing his pillow.

“It's only silent because you won't just ask him whatever's on your mind,” Mark says, moving one of Coco’s paws to brush it gently against Youngjae’s nose. Youngjae breaks into giggles. Jinyoung watches their peaceful exchange with a scowl. He's grown envious of simple friendships, feels helpless in his entanglement.

“You don't understand how intimidating it is to ask him about his feelings,” Jinyoung says finally, as Youngjae clips a bow barrette into Coco’s bangs and Mark releases her.

Mark rolls his eyes violently. “Oh really, I don't? Nobody else has ever liked anybody else? You're the only one who's had to confess on this planet?”

“It's not about _that_ —it’s not just the asking part!” Jinyoung whines. “It's who it is, and how it is. It's Jaebum hyung and who he is… Over me.”

Youngjae snickers.

“Maybe if you didn't always wait for him to be on top of you to bring it up!” Mark suggests. Coco scurries back and forth in the small space, trailing someone's lost shoelace in her mouth.

“You have to flip the power dynamic,” says another voice.

The three of them look up at the doorway and see Yugyeom peering in. He slips inside and shuts the door behind him, flopping on the bed next to Jinyoung.

“What are you talking about?” Youngjae gapes at the younger.

“Since when do you know anything—?” Mark sputters. “You haven’t even been speaking to Jinyoung.”

“Have you ever even spoken to a girl?” Youngjae crows.

Yugyeom nods sagely, holding up a hand for silence. Despite themselves, everyone falls quiet. Coco even stills, settling alert in Youngjae’s lap.

Jinyoung eyes him suspiciously. “Flip what, maknae?”

“Your power dynamic,” Yugyeom says, “it's imbalanced. You feel like he's in control. You've gotta take charge, so you can speak freely.”

Youngjae snorts quietly. “Like you could ever make that work on JB hyung.”

“You don't think so?” Yugyeom challenges, eyes glittering. “Because when we walked in on them it looked a lot like he was _worshipping_ Jinyoung hyung.”

Youngjae groans, covering his ears and falling over. Yugyeom shrugs. “It's true!”

“It's not the same when we talk,” Jinyoung grimaces. “If I can get a word in at all.”

“You're all listening to me, right now. You don't think the maknae has anything worth listening to but you're hearing me out. Why?” Yugyeom counters.

“You're a pushy brat,” Mark says.

Yugyeom shrugs, making an innocent face at Jinyoung as if that explains everything. 

Jinyoung scowls and pinches his smug face. “You're telling me to act like you? Like an overstepping baby?”

“You tease hyung already,” Yugyeom says. “You make him pay for everything and he lets you get away with more than the rest of us.”

“That's true,” Mark agrees. 

“Just surprise him a little. You've got backbone,” Yugyeom says. There's a pause as they all seem to consider his advice.

“Anything’s worth a shot if you stop moping around,” Youngjae offers.

Jinyoung eyes them all suspiciously. “Are you all working secretly to sabotage this? You like watching me suffer?”

“God, if I hear _one_ more complaint from the only person in this room getting his dick touched on the regular…” Mark mutters darkly.

The other boys sigh sadly; Jinyoung covers his red face with his hands and wilts with embarrassment.

  
//

  
Stealing the lipstick had not been about Jaebum. Jinyoung liked lipstick, didn't know why, didn't question it. It just happened. 

The props for various challenges and punishments sit around and get shuffled through fairly often, and the coordi-noonas provide lots of cheap quality ones for the boys to muss with. He had seen the open prop box after shooting and strolled by it casually. A little thrill had coursed through his fingertips as the cool plastic of the cylinder found itself in his pocket.

That was a month or so ago, and the cosmetic lives guiltily behind a book in his overstuffed shelving.

Jinyoung traces nervous, delicate fingers along the spines of the many titles, unsure.

“Jinyoungie,” a deep, familiar voice greets him, and Jinyoung spins around, face heating up. 

Jaebum meanders into his room with a shy smirk. As much as Jinyoung insists the leader is dominant, they're still both remarkably awkward. It's new to Jaebum as well. He settles on Jinyoung's bed, legs wide and eyes inviting.

“Have you eaten?” He asks politely.

“No,” Jinyoung admits, empty stomach flipping at the thought. But he doesn't want to get distracted. His fingers linger on the shelf by his selected title, and he glances to look at it once more, turning his idea around in his head a few more times.

“Are you hungry then? Should I call for takeout?” Jaebum wonders, sitting up a little straighter, voice curious.

“I'm okay,” Jinyoung says, looking at the bookshelf again as his voice wavers.

“What’s wrong?” Jaebum is leaning forward now, a tiny wrinkle between his brows.

“Can we try something… different, hyung?” Jinyoung asks, turning away completely and slipping the novel out of place. He glances at it in his hands for a moment, and then places it aside.

“For dinner…?” Jaebum asks.

Jinyoung uncaps the lipstick, trying not to jolt at the pop it makes. Jaebum is silent behind him, and Jinyoung marvels at the obvious tension the room. 

With a hand that relaxes suddenly with the realization that he's in charge, Jinyoung smoothly applies the lipstick. Top lip, bottom, a press between. 

He's done it a few times without a mirror so he’s confident in how even it feels, how the plumpness of his lips feels more pronounced. Heavier, fuller, and bright poppy red.

He turns around in the next moment, and Jaebum's breath hitches. The sound is sharp and short in the small room, and Jinyoung feels coy, like a cat catching a mouse, ready to play.

Jaebum looks bewildered, but not put off, confused but curious. “What did you have in mind?” He asks after some difficulty clearing his throat.

Jinyoung smiles and moves fluidly, crossing the room and folding at his feet. His hands move to unbuckle Jaebum's belt, and Jaebum's hands waver in the air for a moment before curling into the bedspread besides his tensing thighs.

“Aren't you curious,” Jinyoung coos, “what it'd look like?” He’s palming him through his boxers now, hand warm and pressure even. Jinyoung feels his hunger growing. He's pleased at how he had already been half swollen for him, uncomfortably hard in the next instant.

“What?” Jaebum says hoarsely, as Jinyoung draws his erection out of his underwear, tugging his pants to his knees.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung says with a breathy laugh, because isn't it obvious? And then swirls his tongue around the head once, twice before sinking his mouth over its entire length.

Jaebum lets out an embarrassing whine, and his hands fly to Jinyoung's hair.

Jinyoung bobs his head smoothly, hollowing his cheeks and enjoying the drag of the creamy lipstick as it smears along the length of Jaebum’s dick. He pulls off with a pop and eyes the red strokes proudly. “Pretty,” he whispers.

Jaebum lets out a choked noise above him. Jinyoung feels his thighs trying to lift off the bed, feels the purple, leaking tip brush desperately against his painted mouth once more and he smiles. Pressing Jaebum's hips back firmly, he grips the base of his cock. “Impatient,” he scolds him softly.

And then he dips to taste it again, licks along the new color, and engulfs it again. He keeps one hand at Jaebum's hip to keep him from thrusting, the other locked in a vise grip around the base, delaying the climax.

But he takes him deeply, pressing his tongue along the underside and slurping off to tease against the pulsing veins. He smears his lips against the side, the angry red continuing to blossom into a more abstract work of art.

And then he repeats it, deepthroating him until he cries out, and continuing his messy work.

He knows he must look like a disaster now, jaw stained with pigment, saliva stringing from his pouted lips. But Jaebum sobs and begs for release, practically drooling as he gapes at him in awe.

After a few more sharp bobs of Jinyoung’s head he has mercy on the older boy, whose thighs are straining with each breath. Jinyoung releases his grip on his pulsing cock, swallows around him until the tip hits the back of his throat and Jaebum comes.

He comes crying, tears running down his cheeks at the euphoria of release. Jinyoung swallows happily, eyes whiskering with pride and hands gently massaging the tension out of his legs.

“Jin...youngg,” Jaebum exclaims, leaning back on the bed as he stares at him in awe. “I never would have expected something like this.”

“Surprise,” Jinyoung murmurs, and he wipes tentatively at his jaw with the back of his hand and grimaces slightly at the obvious staining. “One minute,” he says, smiling wide as he slips away to his bathroom to use a wet wipe to clean up.

When he returns with an extra wipe, Jaebum still hasn't moved, cock pulled out of his briefs and pants fallen to his ankles. He’s staring at himself, at the lipstick stains, and he's licking his lips.

Jinyoung feels like he's floating on air as he approaches, so very pleased. He presses Jaebum flat against the bed and straddles his thighs, cleaning him off quickly. Jaebum's cock twitches in his hand again, and Jinyoung presses his mouth shut tight in an attempt to suppress a giggle.

“Don’t laugh,” rumbles a very pink Jaebum, “you made me like this.”

Jinyoung can't help but duck his head and laugh at this, but it's gentle and soft. Jaebum scoops his chin in his hand and pulls him down to kiss his swollen lips, still tender from their efforts.

“You made me like this,” Jaebum repeats, “you made me crazy about you.”

Jinyoung practically purrs with satisfaction, rolling his body along the length of the other’s, nuzzling into his neck. “How crazy about me?” He sing-songs into his jaw. It's just a matter of interrogation now.

Jaebum laughs shakily, fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck, other hand easing around the curve of his ass. “I think about you every moment,” he whispers. “About how you're mine.”

“Jaebum,” Jinyoung whispers, sliding a leg between his thighs, “I'm yours, but are you mine? Can I have you?” He presses his thigh against Jaebum's groin, enjoying the noise it elicits, a deep rumble from from within Jaebum's chest.

“You've always had me,” Jaebum seeks out his face and kisses him again.

Jinyoung buries his blushing face away as he takes a moment to compose himself before trying to speak again. “What does that mean, exactly?” He whispers, feeling himself get shy again.

Jaebum frowns at him, confusion written across his face. “What?” He wonders. “I told you I'm yours and you don't accept it?”

“I'm not… I'm not rejecting it!” Jinyoung protests, scrabbling to sit up on his lap.

“What’s going on in your head, then?” Jaebum says.

A beat passes, Jinyoung staring down at him with hesitant eyes. They've communicated without words for too long, to the point of exhaustion before. It doesn't get them far enough. But he isn't sure how to form his thoughts into sentences.

“You want to know what we are,” Jaebum says softly, as if he's reading it right out of his eyes. “You want to know if it's real, you want to know if it will last. You want to know how to deal with this but I'm sorry Jinyoung, I don't know any better than you.”

Jinyoung’s gaze falls, long lashes hiding the telltale gleam of overwhelming emotion. He knows Jaebum is being honest, but it still twists at his soul.

“I know we can't be boyfriends,” Jinyoung says, “I know we can't be anything normal or even exist outside this dorm.”

Jaebum’s grip on his waist tightens. “When I say that you’re mine, I mean all the time. I mean I'm not picking up on girls when we're out and about. I mean I don't want you texting other boys all flirty and stuff.”

Jinyoung makes a face as he tries hard not to laugh. He's very pleased with this clarification, very pleased with the glimpse of a possessive Jaebum; but the idea of him flirting with other boys seems ludicrous after so many years of only having eyes for one.

“Why are you smiling like that?? Yah, you really must be too popular,” Jaebum says lowly, and Jinyoung actually bursts into laughter, leaning in to kiss him gently.

“I don't know if I have anybody in my phone besides the members, managers and my family,” Jinyoung says frankly.

“Don't lie,” Jaebum teases, “none of the Bangtan boys??”

Jinyoung gasps. “That's you! I've seen you, face lighting up every time Taehyung messages you!”

“None of your Day6 kids? No 2PM seniors?” Jaebum counters.

“That's you too! You watched nothing but fan cams for two months straight once.”

Jaebum actually blushes at this. “I was studying their choreo,” he says. “It was homework.”

“You were studying their abs, I know the truth now,” Jinyoung accuses, pointing a finger in his face. Jaebum playfully nips at it. He shifts Jinyoung's weight off his lap and wraps an arm around him so he curls into his side. Jinyoung can hear his heart beating from where his face is pressed into his chest.

“Your movie costars,” Jaebum continues his list. 

“I barely even _think_ about anyone besides you,” Jinyoung asserts. “And even _we_ hardly text. What would I have to say to anyone else?”

“You could brag about me now,” Jaebum suggests.

“What's there to brag about?” Jinyoung teases. There's a pause and he can hear Jaebum's breathing shift slightly.

“How much I'm in love with you,” Jaebum says gently.

Jinyoung tries to fight the tidal wave of feelings that crash over him, but soon he's shaking and trying not to tear up. Because this is what he wanted to hear. Because this is what he meant when he was asking if Jaebum was his, because this is what he has dreamt about and scolded himself for dreaming about.

Jaebum grasps his chin and turns his face up, kissing away his tears and then delicately parting his lips with his own. This kiss is tender, trembling. 

“I'm sorry I keep asking. This thing between us, I felt like I’d waited for so long. I'd wanted you for so long and I just couldn't bear not knowing….” Jinyoung’s whispering voice wavers. 

“How long?” Jaebum asks, breath hot against his jaw. “How long have you loved me too?”

Jinyoung tries to swallow a sob but it comes out like a hiccup, and he laughs at himself and tries to dab at the tears welling in the corners of his eyes. “How long do you think, idiot?” He demands, bravado sounding ridiculous through shaky breaths.

Jaebum kisses his neck, his cheek, his mouth in short succession, smacking loudly. “How long?” He repeats.

“Since the beginning,” Jinyoung sighs. “Forever now.”

Jaebum is kissing his lips again, arms wrapped so tightly around his waist it's almost difficult to breathe. But this snugness grounds him, lets his breaths draw deeper again. So Jinyoung kisses him back, lost to sensation and deeply comforted.   
  


//

  
“Junior, let's take a walk.” Seunghoon says one afternoon. Jinyoung is reading in the living room, Yugyeom beside him. 

Yugyeom looks at Jinyoung with alarm, but Jinyoung keeps his composure. He hasn't imagined management interfering, but anything is possible. He hopes his genuine unpreparedness passes for innocence.

Jinyoung sets his book down and follows the senior manager out of the dorm. “Do you want coffee?” Seunghoon offers.

“Wow, what am I getting treated for?” Jinyoung pretends to be flattered.

“Don't preen so much,” Seunghoon scolds but smiles, “I wanted some.” 

They meander to the nearest cafe and crowd into a corner table. Jinyoung is grateful for something to hold onto with his nervous fingers. He hopes he doesn't tremble too obviously, sipping the latte as he waits to be skewered with whatever the older brings up.

“You're doing okay, right? Your room on your own is good for you.” Seunghoon says blandly.

He won't meet Jinyoung's curious eyes. 

“Yes, hyung, I like having some privacy,” Jinyoung says carefully, formally.

“It's okay to be different. We're looking out for you, really. It must be tough.”

Jinyoung's eyes boggle, and he tries to cover with another shaky sip as he lets this sentiment set in. “I don't think… I don't think I'm influencing anybody badly.”

“Of course not!” Seunghoon booms, smiling. It looks genuine. “I just don't want you getting your feelings hurt. I'm sure it's tough to keep yourself from developing attachments. So we think keeping things open like this and checking in with you is best.”

Jinyoung feels dizzy, nodding politely. A beat passes with them both sipping quietly. 

“Hyung, are you going to talk to any of the other members too?” He can't stop himself from wondering.

Seunghoon looks surprised. “Do you think I need to?” He says.

Jinyoung’s mouth falls open and then he quickly adjusts to a smile. “Oh no, I didn't mean, like… Not for the same reasons as me.”

“We're still pretty early into debut, so I hope it'll be a while before we really worry about any dating scandals,” he says cheerfully. “You know BamBam even asked us if we could spread rumors about him seeing girls secretly.”

Jinyoung chuckles genuinely. “What a toddler,” he says, “he's so eager.”

Seunghoon laughs and nods along with him. “Jackson bluffs a lot about being close with girls but we're not too worried about him.”

“He's too hardworking,” Jinyoung agrees.

“Jaebum is that way too,” Seunghoon offers, just as Jinyoung takes slightly too big a sip. “It'd be bad for him to get distracted, but I think he's doing very well.”

Jinyoung nods with as much sincerity as he can muster. “Of course,” he says, eyes wide. The intensity of his acting has suddenly taken a large step.

“Of course,” Seunghoon echoes. “We're hoping when he does take an interest it'll be someone in the company. That's always amazing publicity, and we've got plenty of lovely girls. We've already told him to keep that in mind—but we're not forcing anything, of course.”

Jinyoung continues to nod very studiously, but remains silent. He's unsure how much Seunghoon suspects, unsure if he's being tested for a reaction or not.

“Think of all that Kaistal stuff, can you believe how much people talked about it?” Seunghoon slurps at his iced drink loudly.

“They're not real?” Jinyoung blurts out.

“It doesn't matter,” Seunghoon waves it off. “All that matters is the image.”

Jinyoung feels himself pale, suddenly turning cold at the bluntness. He looks down at his coffee very carefully. The message is becoming clear. What he and Jaebum have doesn't matter. It's irrelevant. Meaningless. He could never argue that their feelings are worth more than their image. 

Seunghoon’s face has softened when Jinyoung cautiously raises his eyes again.

“I don't want you to be… naive,” Seunghoon says. “I care about you kids a lot.”

Jinyoung doesn't respond, doesn't trust his breath to remain even. He tries a small smile.

“It's not just _your_ image, Junior,” Seunghoon continues. “You have to remember. As a group - everyone contributes to everybody else. That's how you support each other. That's how you take care of one another.”

Jinyoung nods sincerely at this, letting his eyes fall again, unable to continue smiling. It's selfish to carry on like this. When it could hurt everybody else.

They move on to lighter topics as they finish their drinks.

“Let's get some dumplings on the way back, so the others aren't jealous,” Jinyoung suggests, when they leave the cafe a little later.

Seunghoon smiles broadly at this and pats him on the back. “Such a good umma,” he jokes.

Jinyoung feels sick. _It’s your mess,_ he thinks of Mark saying.

  
//

  
“Something’s the matter,” Jackson is whispering. Jinyoung digs his earbud deeper into his ear, hoping he doesn't puncture anything but desperate to drown out his surroundings.

“You think I haven't noticed?” Jaebum replies. They're behind him in the gym, clunking weights around. Jinyoung is running, breathless, at his top speed. He wishes he wasn't stuck on a treadmill and could put real distance between them.

“What are you going to do?” Jackson demands.

“What makes you think I can just… Fix it?” Jaebum counters. Jinyoung's heart twists.

“Have you even talked to him? He's been ignoring everyone this whole week.”

“You just said: he's been ignoring _everyone_ , Jackson. I'm not an exception.”

Jinyoung shuts off the machine, grabbing his towel and flopping it over his head like a wig to sop up his sweat and hide his face. It's red from exertion, but the mirror also shows he's about to cry. He steps off and turns to head out, sliding his eyes as smoothly past the others as he can.

When he arrives back at the dorm, he ignores the tender looks Yugyeom and Youngjae give him, the softness of their greetings only serving to twist his gut further.

He appreciates their kindness but he doesn't want pity. Doesn't feel like he deserves it. He got himself into this situation and he doesn't deserve sympathy.

He shutters himself in his room, peeling out of his sweaty clothes and ambling into a hot shower.

He should have talked to Jaebum first. It would make it easier to put an end to things. Sulking like this is messier, he knows, insulting even. But he can't help his heartbreak. Doesn't know how to begin to fix things. So he shuts down.

When he emerges from his bathroom a moment later, bundled in a fluffy towel, Jaebum is sitting on his bed, waiting for him.

“What's going on?” Jaebum asks, and his voice isn't as firm as Jinyoung imagined it would be. It isn't angry at all. There's no demand behind it. 

Jinyoung chooses to dress first, decides he shouldn't be naked for this. “Nothing is going on,” he says quietly, slipping into sweats and a shirt that's too large. It's Jaebum’s, he realizes, and he moves to peel it back off.

Jaebum stops him. He's crossed the room and is suddenly in front of him, yanking the thin tee back down over his shoulders.

“What are you doing?” He asks, and his eyes are red-rimmed. “Why are you ignoring me?”

Jinyoung's mouth goes dry looking at him, his heart pounding out of control. There's a pain in his ribs when he inhales, breath shaky as he exhales.

“We have to end it,” he finally croaks.

“What did they say to you?” Jaebum asks, reaching out to crumple Jinyoung's tense fist into his own.

“Nothing. Nothing specific. Seunghoon said a group has to _support_ each other. Seunghoon said—,” Jinyoung’s voice warbles and he has to stop to clear the aching lump in his throat. Jaebum’s grip on his hand tightens.

“Seunghoon hyung said you’d pick a girl from JYPE soon. Said you were doing so _well_ ,” the tears are rolling down his cheeks now. “Said we were all doing so good.”

“We're still good,” Jaebum assures him. “We're doing the best we ever have.”

“I can't, I can't be the one,” Jinyoung stutters. “I can't be the person who ruins this. For BamBam. For Youngjae. For Jackson.” His breath is coming too quickly now, gasping erratically. “Everyone's worked too hard and I—we already had our chance. It's their time and I can't.”

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum says slowly, reaching out to hold his face. 

Jinyoung bats his hands away, turning around and rubbing his tears off himself, until his cheeks feel raw. “Don't touch me,” he begs. “Please leave me alone.”

He stays still, turned away. A long moment passes, and he tries not to hear the broken hitching of Jaebum's tearful breaths. Tries not to recognize the pangs of his sorrow without even seeing it. After a bit, the sound of the door sliding shut very quietly reminds him to breathe again.

Jaebum had listened, had left. 

Jinyoung turns to face the emptiness of his small room. It feels much bigger now, much darker.

  
//

  
They let him stew another few days. He puts on a smiling face and plays along for schedules and then isolates himself at home. He feels broken, unlike himself. It's more exhausting than the anxiety of being a trainee. At least then, there was a hope of debut. A hope of hard work paying off. Now, Jinyoung feels like he's thrown something away.

The third evening, BamBam creeps into his room. Jinyoung isn't asleep, despite his best efforts. The younger boy crouches beside his bed, a wrinkle between his brows. “Hyung,” he whines. “When will you feel better? Is there anything I can do?”

Just looking at his sweet face makes Jinyoung's heart feel a little lighter. 

“A kiss, right?” BamBam suggests. 

Jinyoung can't help but smile, can't stop giggling as BamBam scrunches his face up like he's about to take a bite of something sour. He presses clammy, pouted lips to Jinyoung's cheek with an exaggerated smooching noise and draws away beaming with pride.

Jinyoung laughs genuinely, hearty to the point of coughing after a moment.

“Better?” BamBam asks.

“Much,” Jinyoung says hoarsely.

Bam’s eyes flicker to the doorway as he springs up. “Ah, it's hyung’s turn to try. Don't take all the credit for my hard work,” he waggles his finger at Jaebum, who approaches with an indiscernible face.

“I could _never_ do what you do,” Jaebum pats him on the back, hard, and BamBam exaggeratedly stumbles out of the room like a clown.

Jinyoung's heart twists as he watches him leave, feeling vulnerable and unprepared to be alone with Jaebum again.

Jaebum perches at the foot of his bed, looking equally uncomfortable. 

“Do you think this is better?” Jaebum asks, finally. His voice is still uneven, Jinyoung notices. “Do you think this is taking care of the group?”

“I just need some time,” Jinyoung explains. “I'll get over it eventually—”

“I don't want you to _get over_ it.” Jaebum growls, turning to look him in the eye. His eyes are pink, still, and Jinyoung suddenly marvels at the fact that he's ignored Jaebum’s pain this whole time. Ignored his tears in favor of his own. “I don’t want you to get over us,” he says.

Jinyoung didn't think it was possible to feel any guiltier than he already did, but here it is: a wave of seasick self-loathing. He wants so fervently to kiss his face, wants so hungrily to make him feel good again. 

“I'm sorry,” Jinyoung says weakly.

“I know you think you're doing the right thing,” Jaebum says.

“I don't,” Jinyoung sits up, feeling prickly and indignant. “I have _no_ idea what the _right_ thing to do is,” he says. “But I’m not exactly in a position to do whatever I want, hyung.”

“We were never going to do whatever we wanted,” Jaebum says, “but I thought we both understood—it was _worth_ the risks. It’s worth having something to ourselves. It's worth saving a piece of yourself away from this job.”

“I'm sorry,” Jinyoung repeats, lip trembling.

“Stop apologizing.” Jaebum says.

There's a pause, as Jinyoung flickers in frustration between defensive anger and an overwhelming sense of helplessness. 

“I don't know what else to do,” Jinyoung admits. 

“Kiss me,” Jaebum says, glaring. He grabs Jinyoung’s wrist, yanks him closer. Jinyoung clenches his jaw and meets his eyes. There’s a flicker of anger, but there’s more emotion to their depths. “Tell me you're not leaving my side,” Jaebum demands. “Tell me we can get through this together. Like we’ve gotten through everything.”

“But how can we? How can we when they already suspect—!”

Jaebum crushes him into a hug, wraps his arms around his listless form. “They can't do anything. We make them too much money. We keep doing what we do and—it doesn't matter. It won't matter, if we keep doing well.”

Jinyoung breathes in at the corner of his neck and his shoulder, breathes in the familiar musk that only belongs to Jaebum. He wants to melt already, is so relaxed in an instant, it terrifies him. The power they have over one another is remarkable. The way they fit is unmistakeable. 

He knows, objectively, what Jaebum is saying is idealistic. It's not that simple, or that easy.

But then Jaebum is kissing him again, and it's been quite a while. It’s been so long that everything else seems insignificant. He can't believe it’s only been weeks and it's strung him out this much, when they'd hardly touched for years before. He wraps his arms around his neck, gives in to the tugging in his chest. He feels selfish, but he finally feels whole after feeling utterly broken apart.

Jinyoung's mouth opens under JB’s, and he lets out a desperate noise as the older tips him back onto the bed.

Jaebum kisses him harshly, messily. He's biting his lips and sucking on his tongue as he grips him by the hips, fingers digging into his flesh without remorse. Jinyoung knows he will bruise in the morning, but he wraps his legs around Jaebum's waist with enthusiasm.

Jaebum’s groin rocks into his, pressing intently into the heat between his legs. There's a hunger to his actions that Jinyoung hasn't seen before, a fervor sparked by their short separation. Jinyoung tucks this equation away for future knowledge, thrilled at the tension coursing between their rolling bodies.

Jaebum attacks his neck next, suckling away at the tendons meeting his collarbone, red marks blossoming quickly and sure to stay. Jinyoung winces when he thinks about management, makeup noonas and consequence—but then he stops thinking much at all as Jaebum tucks his hand down the front of his pants.

JB’s grip is warm and steady, confidently rocking his palm against him while his other hand peels his sweats and briefs down to his knees, nails scraping lightly in his haste. Jinyoung rocks into his grasp, scrambles to help his pants completely off his legs, wants to feel skin against his again so badly.

Jaebum is unyielding in his strokes, dragging his fingers velvety smooth down Jinyoung's shaft and back. He moves back up his body to litter kisses up his belly, tugging at Jinyoung's shirt to let him continue. 

Jinyoung complies, shirt abandoned in a blink and heart fluttering wildly as he finds himself nude and spread open. He should feel embarrassed, he should feel nervous, there are so many feelings of shame and hesitation that everyone would want him to feel. But instead he only feels desire, and it hums deep in his veins at a frequency that matches the excitement in Jaebum's gaze. There's a distinct harmony between them that can't be diffused.

Jaebum slips out of his clothing as well, returning to his work on Jinyoung's cock in the next breath, pressing hot, open mouth kisses up his neck. “Jinyoung,” he says when he reaches his ear. “I want to… Can we? Is it okay?”

Jinyoung reaches out to pull his face to meet his, kisses him soundly, bites his lower lip and tugs it as he leans back so he can watch Jaebum gasping after it. “Yes,” he says, “please.”

Jaebum hums with delight, pressing chaste, fluttering kisses to Jinyoung's face while the younger attempts to dig under his mattress with one hand. After a moment of struggle he pushes Jaebum away so he can bend to retrieve the small bottle of lube he was looking for.

“When did you buy that?” Jaebum wonders, and Jinyoung beckons him back to bed.

“I've had it a long time,” Jinyoung says, blushing. “I never thought I’d be sharing it.”

Jaebum smiles coyly, kissing him and rolling their hips together again. “What did you think about before? When you used it?” He wonders, voice pitching low as he works his hand over Jinyoung’s leaking, aching cock.

Jinyoung recognizes this line of questioning from when he'd teased JB before, but this dynamic is completely different. “I thought about you, filling me up,” Jinyoung says confidently, eyes sharp and bold. Jaebum blushes prettily, ducks his head to hide it, but his dick is hard, trembling hot against Jinyoung's thigh. “I thought about you moving inside of me,” Jinyoung continues, “sometimes you bending me over and ramming into me; sometimes like this, on my back, watching your face.”

“Nyoung,” Jaebum groans, fumbling a bit with the cap on the lube as he slicks up his fingers. Jinyoung reaches out to help steady his grip, guides his hand to his entrance with a brazen, confident gaze.

“I thought about you fingering me,” Jinyoung whispers, “Like you’ve done before. I thought about your fingers stretching me open, so nice and slow. You're so good at it,” Jaebum doesn't tease him, massaging the rim briefly before sliding a finger completely in. Jinyoung still breathes steadily, relaxes as much as possible. “So good, oppa,” he gasps.

Jaebum's eyes are dark on his, watching every hitch of his chest as he curls his finger inside of him, adding a second and enjoying Jinyoung's eyes rolling back and the resistance of his muscles, the slick heat pulsing slightly with Jinyoung's erratic heartbeat.

“I thought about it too,” Jaebum admits, “sometimes when you dance—” he groans here, pressing his fingers further, beginning to scissor them open, blunt nails grinding against Jinyoung’s walls. 

Jinyoung has the audacity to smirk, rocking his body up to meet his gentle probing. “When I dance, what?” He asks, finally sounding short of breath, voice fluttering softly like the pulse Jaebum feels inside of him. He moves to touch Jaebum’s hardness finally, but it's with light, teasing fingers.

“I think about it,” Jaebum grits out, trying to buck into Jinyoung's hand.

Jinyoung tries not to giggle, presses his lips together as he watches Jaebum's face crumple with concentration. He's up to three fingers now, and Jinyoung rocks against his hand confidently. Jinyoung savors the initial burn of the stretch as it mellows out into something more hungry, how it makes him want more. He lets out a keening noise as Jaebum’s fingertips knock against his prostate, tugs Jaebum by his cock with such insistence that Jaebum stumbles forward a little on his knees and swears.

“Jinyoungie,” he says with a warning tone, stroking extra lube down his length in preparation. “I don't want to hurt you, we have to go slow.”

“Seven years,” Jinyoung murmurs between wet kisses along the other’s straining neck, “was pretty slow for me. I want you inside me, Im Jaebum.”

Jaebum lets out an actual whimper at this, moving quickly to capture Jinyoung's lips with his, a hand moving to cradle his neck and the other withdrawing careful fingers to grasp instead at an ankle. He props one of Jinyoung's long, lean legs against his shoulder, braces his hip firmly and eases inside of him.

The heat is overwhelming. Jaebum presses forward steadily despite the searing, aching intensity, breath puffing clammy against Jinyoung's sweaty pink shoulder.

Jinyoung mewls softly but doesn't complain, the pressure more agonizing than he'd imagined, Jaebum thicker than he'd estimated when they'd fooled around before. The girth is one aspect, but combined with the length, the discomfort feels never-ending. Each brief moment he feels a flicker of pleasure, it burns into an all consuming stretch.

But then Jaebum bottoms out, rasping out a groan that sounds close to Jinyoung's name, moving to kiss his face again. Jinyoung focuses on keeping his breathing even, eyes screwed shut as he wills his body to relax.

Jaebum steals his attention away from the discomfort, kissing him deeply, licking along the seam of his swollen mouth until he lets him in, teasing his tongue with light flicks of his own until Jinyoung takes the bait and sucks him in aggressively, hands moving to grasp Jaebum's head. The messiness reminds him of their first kiss, and though he's no longer tipsy there's a similar flip in his stomach.

It's only a moment later that Jaebum eases back and then slams back in, the slide of the lube suddenly helping so, so much. Jinyoung cries out loud, the noise puncturing the relative quiet of the room.

“Is it okay?” Jaebum asks again, and Jinyoung wraps his arms around his broad shoulders, nodding dizzily. He's very grateful to be in love with Jaebum, he thinks to himself. As much as he's wished it was someone else, wished it was something easier, he only feels gratitude now.

Jaebum pulls nearly all the way out again, the cut head of his cock rubbing along every one of Jinyoung's sensitive points, catching on his rim so that Jinyoung whines and then ramming back in so forcefully the bed shifts with them.

Jinyoung lets his head fall back as Jaebum continues this bruising rhythm, it's slow but so deep, the burn faded into an otherworldly sensation. Jinyoung feels complete, even as each thrust brings a new wave of euphoric pressure, a familiar tickle unraveling in his gut.

Jaebum grasps his other ankle so they're both over his shoulders, bends over him so he folds in on himself, his unattended cock weeping precum against his own chest. Pink and drunk with arousal, Jinyoung deliriously fumbles to grasp at Jaebum's hips in search of something steady.

Jaebum fucks into him at this adjusted angle and Jinyoung wails, vision going white for an instant as Jaebum slams against his prostate. Jaebum makes a satisfied noise, and increases his pace, nearly frantic now as he grinds his own pleasure into Jinyoung's, working them into a matching frenzy. 

Jinyoung humps back up against him in a daze, hips snapping to meet each crest of pleasure with a wordless moan, nerves on fire and arousal clouding any sense of discretion. The bed creaks are nearly as loud, the slapping of flesh equally impossible to muffle.

His back arches off the mattress as his head digs back against his sweaty pillow, turning to gnaw at the fabric in desperate want of a gag.

Jaebum lets out a blissful sound as he watches him, unused to Jinyoung looking so unraveled, and he reaches out to grasp his pink cock in appreciation. The pressure of his sudden grip has Jinyoung lurching up with a face of utter revelation, eyes going wide as he opens his mouth in a silent cry, and this is enough. 

He comes helplessly after a moment of faltering over the edge, spurting hot and sticky into Jaebum's hand and between their chests.

Jaebum gasps as he watches him, groans as he feels him riding his pleasure out in visceral waves of tension gripping him, and it wrings his orgasm out of him in turn. Pulse after pulse, he scrabbles against the sheets with the force of it, pumping blindly into him until he's too sensitive. 

He pulls out before the blistering heat is too much, collapsing beside a dazed Jinyoung, eyes lidded and lovely.

“I love you,” he mumbles into his bare shoulder, that he's wanted to kiss a million times. He can scarcely believe the reality as he draws a sheet over their naked forms, can't begin to comprehend how Jinyoung is really his. “Please stay with me,” he begs.

“I'm here,” Jinyoung says, damp bangs sliding off his forehead as he turns to look at him. “I'll stay.”

  
//


	5. fifth

 

  
Jinyoung savors this moment in the afterglow: sweaty, vision blurred with bliss, fingers tracing along Jaebum's warm body. He smells salty, musky, and fadingly like a cologne spray his aunt gave him two Christmases ago. Jinyoung savors knowing this, treasures every inconsequential piece of trivia about Jaebum's presence beside him. He files it away in his mind, along with the taste of black coffee behind his teeth, the tickle of the soft, springy hair that trails up his stomach, and a million other items.

Jaebum watches him passively, eyes soft and unreadable in their depth, their warmth igniting Jinyoung's cheeks when he dares to look up.

“Jinyouuungie hyungie, did you wanna go get coffee with me and Youn— _ohhh my god_!!”

Jaebum pulls away and sits up, but Jinyoung remains curled in bed, stomach rapidly dropping. “Give us a minute, BamBam,” JB says, reaching for his shirt.

“WHAT IS GOING ON??” BamBam screeches, hands on his face like a cartoon, “Is this a joke?! Are you kidding me?? Oh oh my god—you guys!! You really did it? Ewewewww!”

Youngjae strolls in, chomping on some shrimp puffs. “What's up? You ready to go?” He wonders.

BamBam is gesticulating wildly at Jaebum in Jinyoung's bed, and Youngjae looks back and forth a few times before blinking. “Oh, right! You still didn't know! Ta-da~!” He throws a snack in the air like a piece of confetti.

Mark and Jackson join them in the doorway at this moment, and Jinyoung finally heaves a sigh and sits up reluctantly as well, clutching the blanket around his top half shyly.

“You guys made up?!!” Jackson cheers and launches himself across the bed despite unwelcoming groans. “ _Home run_ ,” he warbles their song into the duvet. “ _Home ruuuun_ ~!”

“You already… Everyone knew about this?” BamBam says, in a daze. 

“In your heart, haven't you _always_ known?” Jackson cracks, shifting around to try and squeeze between them. Jinyoung smiles sweetly and shoves him onto the floor.

Mark takes in BamBam’s frowning face for a moment, touching a hand to his shoulder. “Take it easy. Why is your face doing that?” He asks.

“Come on, are you kidding me? I never would have expected... they’re men, hyung!” BamBam says, covering his mouth. “Two guys, it's gross,” he whines.

Jinyoung expected this reaction from someone to some degree, was surprised they didn't hear it until now, but it twists in his gut anyway. Jaebum glances at him with a sympathetic frown.

“It's _kinda_ gross that it happened with the maknae’s door open, so we could hear the bed creaking in the living room,” Jackson admits, sitting upright and making narrow eyes at the two on the bed. “And it will be _really_ gross when me and Mark imitate how Jinyoungie sounded, not that we came by the door to _eavesdrop_ —but it's a small apartment and—!” Jaebum nails him in the head with a pillow. Mark hides an embarrassed expression that tells Jinyoung it's true.

Jackson sets the pillow calmly in his lap with a sigh. “But honestly Bam, in my opinion it’s not much grosser than you bragging about your dick on ASC.”

BamBam rolls his eyes. “I was just playing! Joking! Everyone _loved_ that! It’s not serious—I'm not putting it in one of you guys!”

“We're not playing,” Jinyoung says. He’s certain it’s a miracle that his voice remains steady. “It's not a joke, you're right. In fact, it's important to me that you take this seriously.” 

The mood in the room seems to drop even further. Youngjae stops munching. BamBam eyes Jinyoung with a skeptical face.

“I'm seriously grossed out,” he says, defiant.

“Fine,” says Jinyoung harshly, “I don't care. I just want you to know that we're keeping a secret. All of us. If you want to tell, it's your choice. I can't stop you or try to change your mind.”

“ _Jinyoung_ —what Jinyoung means is…” Jaebum starts to intercede. Jinyoung puts a hand on his knee to stop him.

“I mean it. I'm not going to bother trying to persuade you. I didn't want to disappoint you but I understand. I'm disappointing a lot of people, and I've got to come to terms with it.” Jinyoung says.

“You’re not disappointing us…!” Jackson protests. 

“The rest of us support them,” Mark says, eying BamBam curiously. 

BamBam looks pale. “When did all of you guys suddenly get so weird?”

“We all love each other,” Youngjae says slowly, “what's weird about that?”

“Eeeugh,” BamBam bristles, “what does that even mean now? Are you all queer?”

Jackson whips the pillow at BamBam's face with real force. “You're our brother. Act like it!” He scolds. BamBam huffs and heads out of the room, flustered.

Jaebum clears his throat after a long pause. “I should probably go talk to him,” he says quietly. 

Another beat passes. “But I don't have any pants on and I'd rather not look for them in front of you guys.” His face is pink as Youngjae and Jackson whoop with laughter, and Jackson immediately moves to try and peel the duvet away. Mark helps swat his hands away, giggling. For the moment, Jinyoung is immensely comforted.

  
//

  
“I want you to know, none of us would ever really be upset with you.” Mark says, a day later. Youngjae is curled into Jinyoung’s side on the couch, squeezing his waist in silent agreement. Mark leans against Jinyoung’s legs as he relaxes on the floor. There’s a variety show on the television, but the volume is low and Jinyoung can’t find it within him to pay any attention to it.

“We wouldn't blame you for managment getting mad.” Mark continues. “And you could never ruin Got7. No matter what happens.”

“Thank you—but you guys don’t deserve this,” Jinyoung says. “I don't want you to have to worry about us getting found out. I’m really sorry.” He combs his fingers through Youngjae's hair nervously.

“Jinyoung,” Mark says with a sigh, turning around to rest his head on the other’s knees. He looks up at him through his lashes with a soft, sympathetic face. “Don’t apologize.”

“You deserve better too,” Youngjae says after a moment. “You shouldn't have to hide it in the first place.”

“You're allowed to be happy,” Mark says, nodding. “And nobody’s entitled to every part of your life. It'd be easier if you weren't in a group. But even then—it's harder than it should be.”

Jinyoung gives a bittersweet smile, heart swelling with gratitude for how unexpectedly tender all of the boys have been - with one obvious exception. BamBam isn’t speaking to them between schedules. He seems beyond ruffled, even with most of the other boys. He seems to interact solely with Yugyeom, perhaps out of desperation for human contact. But even that seems stiff as Yugyeom is on good terms with Jinyoung and Jaebum.

Jinyoung thinks he will come around eventually, if only because of the passing of time and their forced interaction in work. But he doesn’t want it to end up bitter, doesn’t want to sacrifice the team dynamic they’re so proud of. But how do you talk someone out of disgust?

  
//

  
The chair is squeaking, wobbling haphazard against the hardwood of the dance studio. 

“This is a _bad_ idea,” Jaebum grits out, fingers curled into Jinyoung's slim hips.

Jinyoung lets out a breathless huff that's close to a laugh, continuing his determined pace, bouncing in his lap. His thighs are burning, knees aching with each lift, but it lets him bury Jaebum so deep inside him. He keeps one hand gripped around the older boy’s neck, the other moving at a matched pace along his own cock.

“I guess we should hurry it up,” Jinyoung murmurs, moving both hands to his shoulders for more leverage, slamming back down and up and down again.

Jaebum moans at the increased rhythm, his legs shifting slightly for more grip against the floor. He starts to roll his hips upward to match the other’s bounces and this additional force has Jinyoung yelping slightly. JB’s head is suddenly bruising against his prostate where it was a soft caress before, and Jinyoung grinds out his pleasure, melting against his bucking figure.

Jinyoung notices absently that Jaebum's eyes aren't closed as usual, that he's gazing somewhere into space beyond his shoulder. This won't do. He slows to roll his hips once, twice and gently slaps Jaebum's cheek. “Look at me,” he chides. 

“I _am_ looking at you,” Jaebum chuckles, voice deep and cloudy with pleasure. He nods into the distance and Jinyoung turns to glance back over his shoulder, taking in their reflection in the mirrored wall. 

He's forgotten momentarily they were in one of the smaller dance studios. It's an intimate space, locked but still easily accessible and thus a very, very bad idea. But as Jinyoung strains to discover their image in the mirror, he doesn't regret their location. Actually, this will do quite nicely.

He watches with hungry eyes as Jaebum's thick cock is disappearing into him and then dragging out of him again, glistening red and wet with lube. His cheeks are held further apart for the view by Jaebum's ringed fingers, digging so tightly into his pale, sensitive flesh that it's already blooming pink.

Jinyoung gasps, his own dick abruptly twitching in response to the lewd visual. He hears Jaebum chuckle deep in his ear, feels his hot breath as he bites at his lobe. Jaebum moves a hand off his ass to grip tightly into Jinyoung's hair now, pulling his head toward him so he can kiss his mouth. 

Jinyoung lets his eyes drift closed as they continue kissing and fucking at this pace, enjoying the slow burn of arousal in his gut. He wants to draw it out as long as possible. 

But extra time is a luxury they don't have a lot of, especially not in such a public space. Jaebum manhandles him by the hair to face the mirror again, tearing his lips away from his with a stubborn grunt. 

“Watch,” he says, voice dark and confident.

Jinyoung whimpers at the burn in his neck, and then cries out as Jaebum increases his thrusts upward, pounding into him mercilessly. The motion is nearly a blur in the mirror, especially as tears begin to sting at the corners of Jinyoung's vision, but the flood of pressure inside him tumbles him into oblivion. 

He sees his own ass clenching in the reflection, hears his own broken, tearful shout echoing throughout the space as he comes in spurts onto his own shirt.

Jaebum's thrusts speed up, going off rhythm. He's pulling out farther, nearly slipping entirely out with each last desperate pulse, and then he pulls out completely, painting Jinyoung's pink cheeks with streak after streak of glistening cum.

“Fuck,” he groans, “don't you look so pretty?”

Jinyoung laughs breathily, face rosy with embarrassment. This Jaebum is still new to him, surprising him daily with inclinations he didn't know existed. He feels like he's living in an alternate reality, loose and fucked out in the mornings, sweaty and sore before practices even begin. It seems like it should be more difficult, an added stress. But instead Jinyoung feels more relaxed, more alive, ready to conquer.

“I hope you have a bright idea about how you're going to clean this up,” Jinyoung replies, voice low in a murmur.

Jaebum swears again, head lolling back against the chair. “Use your t-shirt, wear my sweatshirt,” he offers after a moment. 

Again, this evolution of Jaebum is new to him. He seems simultaneously more stressed and more laid back, flexible and making more jokes than usual. He's writing more, smiling more, and behind closed doors with Jinyoung he even teases, curses, spanks, and talks about how he's feeling. 

Jinyoung carefully clambers off his lap and slips his own shirt off. Jaebum digs a sweatshirt out of his backpack, offering it lazily to him. He stays still, face blissed out, pants still undone, watching as Jinyoung awkwardly dabs at the backs of his thighs.

A rap at the door startles them both, Jinyoung's breath leaving his lungs in an instant, scrambling to slip back into his discarded basketball shorts, grateful for foresight to wear something elastic. Jaebum zips himself away, stands on shaky knees and glances over at him nervously once, twice, before crossing to the door.

There's no window in the door, Jinyoung reminds himself queasily, over and again as Jaebum unlocks and opens the room. But also, the ventilation can be slow and what if the room smells like… sex? Is that a legitimate smell, Jinyoung wonders, mind racing, because if it's just the musk of sweaty bodies, dance practice is a legitimate excuse. He crams his soiled tee and the dwindling bottle of lube into Jaebum's bag.

“Ah, hyung,” Jaebum is saying stiffly, moving away to let in Taehun, an older friend of his from before training. Jaebum had practiced with him for a few years, although Taehun never ended up auditioning. He continued doing entry level choreography work and they would run into him sometimes around the building. Taehun embraces him brusquely before stepping inside.

“We’re not interrupting filming or anything, are we?” Taehun wonders, moving forward with a young, pretty woman in tow. She’s holding a plump baby. “You remember Sunmi! We started dating after you were accepted,” Taehun introduces her, gesturing vaguely at Jinyoung. “And look, Junior’s here too! Just like old times. Sunmi, this is the guy that Jaebum left us for!”  
   
Jinyoung focuses on how to breathe for a moment, calming himself before nodding in greeting. They don’t seem to find anything suspicious. The tension in the room dissipates slowly, like air escaping a balloon.

Sunmi smiles politely, shifting the baby to a hip to wave. Jaebum stares at the infant with glazed, surprised eyes. “And this is Sooyoung! She’s coming up on two now,” Sunmi says. “I think you’ve only seen pictures so far.”

“She’s huge,” Jaebum says, taking a tiny hand in two fingers and shaking it solemnly. Sooyoung looks mildly alarmed, twisting in her mother’s arms. Jaebum moves back shyly, Taehun wrapping an arm around him and chuckling.

Jinyoung peeks around him and then pops out, scrunching his nose and making a face at the infant in greeting. Sooyoung bursts into a giggle, bouncing. “So cute,” he says, eyes whiskering with genuine fondness. 

Jinyoung loves babies. And it's mutual - babies love Jinyoung. Sooyoung is easily the person he feels most comfortable with at the moment, as Jaebum and Taehun drift away in murmurs.

“Would you like to hold her?” Sunmi offers, and Jinyoung nods, settling the infant against himself with a smile. He's eager to have a reason to tune out of the older men's conversation. It’s stiff, and Jaebum looks uncomfortable.

It's strange to see Jaebum turn uncertain, and it makes Jinyoung feel out of sorts by extension. Even in JJ Project he hid insecurities with bravado, had rough edges but still seemed sure of himself.

But here, he's fumbling, full of doubt. It seems like he's not sure which façade he should be wearing, juggling masks as he makes awkward small talk with someone who used to be his best friend.  
   
Even his touches feel rough, hands absently slamming onto Jinyoung’s shoulder in some strange, hyper-masculine ritual, Taehun nodding and chortling in acceptance.

Just bros, Jinyoung thinks deliriously, just bros holding your baby while they pretend not to imagine their own. Jinyoung wraps a hand around the back of the infant’s neck to support her head better and pretends to salsa dance with her.

“How did you know she's going to be a little dancer!” Sunmi coos, watching them fondly. She stretches a little, looking relieved to get a break from baby duty.

Jinyoung shakes his head, in his own world with Sooyoung. On another planet, Taehun is humming, looking over some song drafts Jaebum had been working on earlier. 

Jaebum hovers closer, touches Sooyoung’s foot hesitantly, then lets his fingers trail up along the infant’s leg to Jinyoung's elbow, up his arm. It's becoming increasingly clear he's envious of the budding family, eyes glimmering as he drinks in the sight of Jinyoung holding the baby. Sunmi smiles warmly.

The tenets of Taehun's relatively “normal” existence—a behind the scenes job, a blushing young bride, starting a family—are rather comfortably sacrificed by a lot of idols. 

But Jaebum wants a family, has said as much. It's not a secret that what Taehun has, Jaebum wants. And the delay of such by way of fame and fortune might seem a little dim when you're practicing late into the night through injury after injury.

“This looks pretty good,” Taehun murmurs. “It's a little too sexy, but it could be cleaned up.”

Sooyoung makes a cranky noise and arches her back in Jinyoung's grip. Jinyoung kisses her ear and mumbles comforting noises and Taehun glances at them offhand. Jaebum's hand is still touching his arm, and he lets go quickly.

Taehun doesn't seem to notice, winking at his daughter instead. “She's hungry; you must be too.”

Jaebum smiles stiffly. “We've been here since 7 in the morning,” he says, “I'm definitely up for dinner, but I'm sure Junior is ready to head home.”

Jinyoung hears his own exclusion and hums pleasantly, making a funny face at Sooyoung instead of reacting. He understands that Jaebum wants this, wants to avoid mixing up his past and his present, that Jaebum would never leave him out to be hurtful. He's sore and pretty uncomfortable with the situation anyhow. Sooyoung claps her hands against his face and gurgles with a smile.

“Junior, you're welcome as well!” Taehun offers, “I'm buying, come on! Jaebummie wouldn't have made it this far without you.”

Jinyoung squeezes Sooyoung a little tighter in contemplation, looking at Jaebum with a bare, open face, awaiting instruction.

Jaebum’s expression is clouded, unreadable as he gathers his lyric notebook and jamming it into his backpack. He shrugs with something that looks like real apathy, and Jinyoung feels a stabbing sensation under his ribcage.

He retaliates with a smiley shrug, capitalizing on the extended generosity. When has Jinyoung ever turned down free food, anyhow. Taehun cheers as Sunmi finally slips Sooyoung away from Jinyoung. The baby whines and waves her hands at Jinyoung, and Sunmi chuckles. 

“Oh, somebody likes their new handsome oppa,” she snickers.

“Well that's settled, we have to bring Sooyoung's boyfriend,” Taehun jokes, and Jinyoung wriggles his fingers at the baby teasingly. It's strange, he considers, how Jaebum's face at the moment is a result of jealousy over a two year old girl.

He shyly tries to make eye contact with him, not wanting to look too eager or pleased with the outcome. Jaebum is biting his lip and avoiding his gaze, a telltale sign that he's a little upset. 

Unfortunately even Taehun picks up on this. “Something the matter?” He wonders, as they leave the studio as a group, Jinyoung trailing last.

“I just need to call the others at the dorm, so they know we’re heading out,” Jaebum mumbles, cheeks pink. Jinyoung peeks at him curiously as he passes.

He steps away with his phone, not looking at him at all. Somehow, Jinyoung feels picked on.

“You two must love working with the other boys,” Sunmi says gently, rocking the baby back and forth, “they were what you were missing.”

Jinyoung smiles politely in agreement. “It's a really good dynamic,” he says. 

There’s a long pause here, as they all seem to fumble for something to say, or hope Jaebum comes back quickly. It’s hard to budge beyond niceties when you’re not only a friend of a friend, but a wife of a friend of a friend.

“I knew just you two wouldn't get very far,” Taehun finally says, flippantly, “the songs were pretty bad and you didn't have any chemistry.”

Jinyoung can't hold back the way his eyebrows raise at this statement, but he shrugs as innocently as he can.

“It was neither of your faults,” Taehun blathers on, as Jaebum reappears, and they set off again. 

“It's like magic more than anything—you need to click together and when it was JJ Project it felt kind of wrong. Jaebum-ah used to talk about it being awkward,” Taehun nudges him.

Jaebum looks bewildered, suddenly cast into a conversation about their chemistry without any warning. “When…?” He wonders.

“You said it was hard living with him,” Taehun insists, as they round a corner onto a main avenue with varying food stalls. The scents usually dazzle Jinyoung with possibility, make his stomach rumble in anticipation, but now instead he feels a little nauseous.

“I said _having a new roommate_ was… Difficult to get used to, I think,” Jaebum says delicately, jaw tense. Jinyoung lets himself chuckle with the others and nods his head graciously, but his jaw is tense and he makes a note to bring it up forever.

“No offense,” Taehun says to Jinyoung gleefully, “but I was pretty sure he hated you.”

Jinyoung covers his tight smile with a hand and manages to laugh. It sounds fake to him, but Sunmi titters along genuinely. Jaebum still doesn't look at him.

Jinyoung supposes it doesn't matter, in the scheme of things, whether or not what Taehun says is true. He and Jaebum _were_ rough in the beginning, their chemistry not quite perfected. In hindsight, Jinyoung sees this as shy, angry attraction in its very infant stages. It's different now, after all, and that's what matters. It's better now, and it will only get better, he assures himself. But Jaebum’s stony face doesn't help.

Taehun grips Jaebum by the nape of the neck as they turn into a barbecue spot, and the aroma of grilled meat lets Jinyoung relax. Hyungs herd and affectionately bully by nature, and Taehun probably just wants to make Jaebum squirm, not insult Jinyoung. JJ Project's difficulties are an easy target to put Jaebum in place. To help Taehun overlook that Jaebum has since succeeded where he failed - that Taehun is effectively a nobody.

It's strange he feels the need to assert himself, and what's even stranger is watching Jaebum let him. Jinyoung isn't certain how much Jaebum buys into it, but he folds up like a flowerbud, blushing and quiet in Taehun’s grasp, and Jinyoung marvels.

The dinner is not completely uncomfortable. Taehun and Sunmi enjoy weaving stories of how they met, family drama, baby stories etc. It's not unpleasant, and Jinyoung enjoys glimpses of sincere softness in Jaebum's eyes as he listens.

“I can't wait to see what kind of woman ends up pinning you down,” Taehun says, and Jaebum's cheeks go very pink as he looks down and away. “I bet it'll be a total knockout. You're too picky already but wow, now you’ve got all these idols to pick from. They've already weeded out anybody ugly.”

Sunmi smiles along, jostling a restless Sooyoung in hopes of getting her to sleep. “Of course she'd be beautiful—but I have a feeling he's already met someone. Look at how bright his eyes are.”

Taehun croons with delight as Jaebum flushes deeper, and Jinyoung feels all aprickle with frustration. He smiles small and takes a huge bite of pork belly, chewing with renewed vigor  as he glances away.

“Is she right?? Yah, secret dating already! What is she like?” Taehun demands.

Jaebum wavers, and Jinyoung knows he doesn't want to lie - _shouldn't_ have to in a perfect world. “There's no girl,” he says, eyes wobbling up to meet Jinyoung's briefly and then tearing away again. Jinyoung's heart beats out of control, thunders in his chest so intensely he’s worried everyone can hear it. He keeps chewing the same bite.

Taehun just chortles and slaps Jaebum on the back. “He's so good at pretending! The perfect leader, wow.”

Sunmi is looking at him out of the corner of her eye, Jinyoung is suddenly sure of it. He finally manages to swallow and then attempts to smile at her appropriately, unsure of what his reaction ought to be.

Taehun excuses himself shortly after to use the bathroom, and the tension quickly escalates as Sunmi very obviously glances between them. 

“You don't have to tell me anything,” she says quietly, “I know it's none of my business. But you two look at each other _very_ handsomely.”

Sooyoung is falling asleep in her arms and together they make a rather saintly image. Jinyoung is reminded of his own sisters and feels a nostalgic urge to tell her everything. A short glance at Jaebum’s uncomfortable face dispels this notion, however. 

“I’m not sure what you mean, noona,” Jaebum says stiffly. 

Sunmi nods apologetically, adjusting Sooyoung’s limp figure. 

After dinner and a whirlwind of goodbyes, they finally part ways on the sidewalk.

Jinyoung trails a little bit behind Jaebum as they head toward the dorm, atmosphere still slightly stiff. Jinyoung isn’t certain if Jaebum is upset with him, or upset with Sunmi, or just out of sorts.

The night air is chilly, lights cutting crisper than usual as they make their way home. The silence is not uncomfortable, but the space is. Jaebum finally pauses, looking back to signal he's waiting for Jinyoung to catch up. 

Jinyoung speeds up a little to reach his side, offering a shy smile as he brushes hands with Jaebum, and Jaebum smiles tentatively back. He lets his hand trail up his arm and cups Jinyoung’s cheek for just a moment. It's not an apology, but Jinyoung wasn't expecting one anyhow.

“Come here,” Jaebum says quietly, dragging him by his wrist down a less crowded backstreet. He checks back and forth before pressing him between two buildings. The alleyway is barely existent, so narrow it’s probably against code. It's long, and when Jaebum leads him around a slight corner Jinyoung sees the front had been expanded later and wonders where the hell he's being taken. 

Behind this outcropping, Jaebum slams his body against the brick of the older building, and Jinyoung realized he wasn't being taken anywhere. Jaebum was looking for a corner, and this one is good enough. 

Jinyoung whimpers slightly as the stone edges jam into his shoulder blades, but his noises are quickly silenced by Jaebum's mouth slotting over his. Jaebum grips his thighs with hands curled like claws, scrapes him farther up the wall until he wraps his legs around his waist. 

Jaebum sloppily moves his mouth all over Jinyoung's jaw, biting and suckling like he's hungry. 

“Jae _beommm_ ahhh,” Jinyoung slurs in response, as Jaebum grinds his dick against him. “We shouldn't—! Out here, like this.”

Jaebum lets out a low noise of disappointment, detaching his lips from his neck with a sigh. “Please,” he rumbles, “I just need a little bit. I need a little bit of you, please.”

Jinyoung lets him kiss him, opens his mouth wide to let him plunge his tongue deep within it, unembarrassed even though they're quickly slick with spit that tastes like dinner.

Jinyoung strokes his face, looks into his eyes as he cradles his angled jaw. “Take it,” he says breathlessly. “Take what you need.”

Jaebum kisses him again, a little softer, then grinds himself back into his open form, rubs his cock against him through their pants until he's so hard it nearly hurts Jinyoung, stabbing and dragging through his loose shorts. The brick behind him crumbles slightly with each scrape, grit falling to the ground.

“I'm _sorry_ ,” says Jaebum, voice trembling. He ruts against him like a madman, shoes slipping on the asphalt, breath fractured.

Jinyoung gasps with each thrust, and kisses his face. Then his eyelids. Then his nose, and his mouth. “What… on earth for?” He asks between light touches.

“I'm sorry we can't be like them,” says Jaebum, pumping against him desperately. “I'm sorry we can't get married. I'm sorry we can't have a baby.”

Jinyoung screws his eyes shut to block out Jaebum's broken face. “Don't apologize,” he whispers. “It's not your fault. And we can still—,” he falters, unsure what he means. “We can still be together,” he whimpers.

“I'm sorry, I want it so bad.” He continues to grind Jinyoung into the wall. “I _want_ _you_ ,” gasps Jaebum. “I'm sorry I want you so bad.”

Jinyoung captures his lips with his own and touches him very gently, unable to express himself as he is still overcome with nerves. 

It carries on longer than he thinks is safe, eyes fluttering up and down the alley anxiously, but no one appears, every window painted over. Jinyoung's anxiety keeps him from getting fully aroused, lost somewhere between turned on and terrified.

Jaebum comes trembling, biting into Jinyoung's neck where it flares into his shoulder. He convulses against him feverishly, and then he draws away, letting Jinyoung down gently. He adjusts his jeans and is put together again in moments, despite the slight sheen of sweat along his brow and neck. 

Jinyoung feels rattled, tight and shaken like a can of pop that's sure to explode at any moment. Jaebum pets his face, his hair, squeezes his hand in comfort before leading him casually out of the alley. 

They cut through the rest of the backstreet and end up behind their dorms shortly, Jinyoung's mind reeling. They rarely talk about their frustrations, rarely confront the obstacles before them. Usually, they move throughout their world in a kind of darkened, willfully ignorant bliss. 

To breathe out a word of frustration crystallizes it, makes it a real weight to carry. Jinyoung wonders if they’re strong enough.

They walk together the rest of the way.

  
//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! It's been a long time! I hope you haven't forgotten about me? ~(*´д｀*) 
> 
> I've decided to split this last part into two chapters since it just got kinda out of hand. So the last piece (already written) will go up tomorrow. 
> 
> There are some original characters in this chapter briefly, not meant to be based on anybody, just padding out some backstory.
> 
> I decided I didn't want to address Jaebum’s injury since we're pretty far along and have witnessed them do plenty of stuff in this universe that's prob inadvisable~ in his condition. I also thought it would be strange to try and shoehorn it in at the end without any prior mention. Here's hoping he rests up and feels better soon. 
> 
> Thank you for all of your amazing feedback and patience, hope you enjoy!


	6. sixth

 

  
Staying at a hotel is nothing new, nothing exotic. Jinyoung rarely stays with Jaebum, often paired with a manager. And they haven't been at one since they've been together. But tonight, they're assigned to group with Youngjae, and for some reason the managers are staying separately, on another floor altogether. 

Seunghoon confidently hands the three their matching keycards, ruffling Youngjae's hair trustingly. Youngjae sheepishly smiles at him, waiting until the senior manager walks away to shoot a panic-stricken expression at the others. 

BamBam wrinkles his nose and turns to leave, dragging Yugyeom along with him. In complete contrast, Jackson waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “ _2youngjae_ ,” he whispers, and Youngjae blanches. 

“...that's a thing…?” He asks, voice uncharacteristically small.

“Shut up,” Jinyoung pinches Jackson in the arm and then protectively wraps himself around Youngjae. “We won't do anything,” he assures him.

“While you're awake,” Mark counters, and Youngjae flails in Jinyoung's arms. 

“Mark hyung, can I—?” He begs.

“Of course,” Mark says, eyes laughing. “We all have big beds.”

“You don't have to,” Jinyoung insists. “We have some self control.”

Youngjae slides down slowly out of his grip, dropping his knees until he can limbo away. Jackson cackles with delight, welcoming him to their side of the circle with open arms. Jinyoung pouts but secretly revels in the ease of being so open with the members.

Jaebum remains quiet. They haven't been alone much since their outing with Taehun & Sunmi, and Jinyoung wonders how much will happen tonight after all.

“Soundcheck is at 6:30 tomorrow morning,” Jaebum says sternly, despite the managers having just run through the schedule with them moments earlier. “Don't stay up too late,” he warns.

“We _know_ ,” says Jackson, struggling to climb onto Youngjae’s back. 

“Let’s get chicken,” Mark suggests, leading Youngjae by the hand. Jackson nods solemnly atop him, spanking the younger’s thigh like a pony. “Markjaeson!” He hoots, bouncing lightly. Youngjae drops him for this, and Mark yelps with laughter but helps him up and the three stumble off in a cloud of giggles. 

Jinyoung moves to follow them but Jaebum grips his elbow and lets the others traipse off. Jinyoung eyes him curiously.

“We should try to talk to BamBam,” Jaebum suggests. 

Jinyoung’s stomach flips. It’s thoughtful of him to consider their stubborn dongsaeng’s feelings still, but Jinyoung isn’t sure how to go about mending the situation. “Is now really the time? We have to perform tomorrow,” he says quietly.  

Jaebum frowns. “We’re going on tour. We’re a band. We have to perform all the time–there’s not going to be a good time.”

Jinyoung knows he’s right, nods along as they head down the hall, but feels nervous anyway.

They find BamBam and Yugyeom holed up in their room on the small couch, slurping sodas as an action movie blares on the tv. Jinyoung flicks it off as they enter. BamBam moves to stand and leave when he sees them approach, but Jaebum presses him back into his seat with a strong hand at his shoulder, and they settle in front of him on the floor.

“Yugyeom, maybe you should find the others,” Jaebum suggests, and Jinyoung looks at him questioningly. Is this level of confrontation necessary?

But Yugyeom nods unsteadily and obeys, slipping out to the lobby after a squeeze to BamBam’s shoulder.

“Are you angry at us?” Jaebum asks directly.

BamBam pouts and doesn’t reply. Jaebum looks aside for a moment in frustration.

“Why are you acting so immature?” He tries again, voice firm.

“I’m _not_!” BamBam bursts, unable to ignore the taunting edge of the question. “I’m not a–I’m not immature, I just don’t like… it. I don’t like the way you guys are now.”

“What don’t you like?” Jaebum presses.

“The way you turned… that Jinyoung turned you gay or whatever,” BamBam says, struggling to find the words.

“You think I _turned_ him,” Jinyoung says with disbelief, “that he caught it from me like a cold?”

BamBam shrugs, looking further frustrated. “No,” he whines. “I mean, I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Jaebum asks. Jinyoung gapes at him in disbelief. 

“Jaebum doesn’t mean– _listen_ , that’s not how it works at all! You don’t–you’re just! We were _already_ , before!” Jinyoung babbles, and Jaebum puts his hand on his knee to quiet him. 

“What’s wrong with that?” He repeats.

BamBam sits very still, frowning for a long moment, and Jinyoung imagines cartoon gears in his head churning with effort. “I don’t know,” he finally says, face softening. “I know that people don’t like it, and I want people to like us.”

“Would it have mattered to you if we weren’t in the band?” Jaebum wonders.

“No,” BamBam says quickly, and then seems to rethink it. “I don’t know,” he repeats. “I’ve met plenty of other… of other people like that and it doesn’t matter.”

Jaebum leans back, looking a little relieved. Jinyoung remains frowning, unsure of why Jaebum seems so certain. To him, this makes BamBam’s reaction seem all the more confusing. 

“So… you don’t like it, because it surprised you, and you think people won’t like us?” Jaebum summarizes.

BamBam looks very uncomfortable. “I guess,” he murmurs, eyes sliding away. 

Jaebum abruptly socks him in the shoulder, and BamBam shrieks and topples away from the jab. “Hyung!” he gasps, eyes wide. Jinyoung wants to move to reassure him, but knows he would be rejected.

“You’re not worried that people won’t like us,” Jaebum says. “You’re worried people won’t like _you_. You’re worried about what people will think of the band if they find out. But what you _really_ mean is what they’ll think about you. You're being selfish and only thinking about yourself.”

“Well, did _you_ think about the rest of us?” BamBam blurts out, clutching his arm. “Did you think about what could happen?”

“It’s all I think about,” Jaebum counters with a growl. “I’m only _ever_ thinking about what could happen. Jinyoung tried to give up for you, and you saw what it did to him. Was that better? Do you want us to be miserable forever, for you?”

BamBam’s eyes are welling up. Jinyoung wants to smother the boy in an embrace, but still holds back, biting his lip with effort.

“No,” says BamBam, voice wobbling. “I don’t want you to be miserable.” 

There's a long pause, punctuated only by BamBam’s shaky breathing.

Jaebum’s face relaxes and he offers a small smile. “I know it’s hard to imagine,” he says quietly. “But I was already really miserable for a long time. Jinyoung makes me happy. I know it’s risky, for all of us, but I don’t want to be unhappy anymore.”

A tense moment passes, and then something seems to break in BamBam’s expression.

He sniffles, tears beginning to roll down his face. “It’s not hard–it’s not hard to imagine,” he sputters. Jinyoung watches him with a burn in his heart, and finally reaches out to grip his hand. As Jinyoung’s hand clutches his, BamBam’s head bows and he continues to cry. “I don’t have to imagine it,” he says, “because I’m miserable too.”

Jinyoung’s breath catches and then brushes aside his initial hesitation, clambering onto the couch to cradle BamBam’s head in his hands, drawing him into an embrace. On the floor, Jaebum goes pale. 

“BamBam-ah,” he stutters, shocked. “I didn’t mean to force you to–I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

BamBam is silent, just sniffling into Jinyoung’s neck for a while before withdrawing to shake his head. “It’s okay, I just–I just thought I was doing so good is all. I hadn't felt—I hadn't had weird thoughts in a while. I thought I was doing really good and then you guys…”

Jinyoung struggles to process this information, stroking BamBam’s hair slowly. It sounds very familiar, and the frustration he feels boiling off the boy in waves is an emotion he was very well acquainted with.

“You guys made me feel so angry, and I didn't know why. I was mad… I guess because somebody else didn't have to work so hard to hide.”

Jinyoung draws back and wipes the tears from the younger's face, smile tender and reassuring. “I know how you feel,” he says. “But look: now you can talk to us, if you want.”

A moment passes and BamBam wipes his face stubbornly, trying to recompose himself.

“I didn't mean to make you tell us,” Jaebum reiterates, leaning forward to grip at BamBam’s knee. “It's not any of our business, if it bothers you.”

BamBam shakes his head. “It's okay. I just don't really get it all, yet. Did you still… Do you still like girls too?”

“Of course,” Jaebum says easily, glancing up at Jinyoung as if he expects the same answer. Jinyoung tilts his head and considers the notion but shrugs. He hasn't thought beyond Jaebum in a while.

BamBam looks surprised. “You don't know?”

“Well, Jaebum and I don't have everything figured out either,” Jinyoung admits, shyly. “We've never even talked about it this much, before.”

Jaebum looks embarrassed but nods. There's a comfortable lull in the conversation.

“Do you like someone in the group…?” Jinyoung wonders, voice teasing.

“ _No_!” BamBam explodes. “No way! Everybody's like my brothers! I could tell them apart by their sock smells!” He pauses. “I think that part weirded me out about you guys a little, too. You… you're family.”

Jinyoung purses his lips in contemplation. “Jaebum and I… We were together before the rest of you. And then our family got bigger. Does that sound wrong?”

BamBam actually rolls his eyes. “I know, we know. You're our parents.”

Jinyoung flicks his ear lightly. “So what's weird about that, little one?”

“I'm not little!” BamBam attempts a kick, but Jinyoung deflects his leg and rolls him off the couch easily. BamBam hides his face in the carpet. “Pretty bad parenting,” he grumbles.

“Let's get dinner - your choice,” Jaebum suggests, playfully pinching BamBam’s crumpled form on the floor. He squeals and curls in on himself but agrees quickly.

Jinyoung watches fondly and thinks about how he felt holding little Sooyoung. His chest feels warm and full.

  
//

  
“Thank you,” whispers Jaebum later that night. They're holding hands in a queen sized bed that feels utterly enormous compared to the ones at the dorm. The lights are off and there’s only a little moonlight. Jinyoung reckons it's easier to talk this way, with less faces.

“For _what_?” Jinyoung says in surprise. “You did all of the work with BamBam.”

“That's not true,” Jaebum says, squeezing his hand. “You were very supportive. But I didn't mean for then. I meant for the other day, with Taehun and Sunmi.”

Jinyoung doesn't respond, further confused by what he could have contributed. 

“You didn't get mad at me, when I was frustrated,” Jaebum explains. “I know I was colder to you than I needed to be. And then, I was really reckless. It's just… It's strange to see somebody again after so long.”

Jinyoung squeezes his hand back in assurance but stays silent.

“Taehun was the first boy I ever liked,” Jaebum says, something wistful in his tone. “I don't know why. He had some kind of charisma I couldn't handle. He always made me feel embarrassed, and it took me a long time to admit to myself why.”

“You never told him,” Jinyoung guesses, stroking up Jaebum's arm now.

“How could I? I was really young and really lonely. I didn't know if it was real, and he was already flirting with girls. I was too. It wasn't… worth it.”

Jinyoung's heart twists at this phrase. Trying to weigh feelings against reality is a disappointing exercise.

“When I thought about everything I could lose, it just wasn't worth it,” Jaebum says. 

They're both quiet for a moment.

“We've got a lot more to lose now,” Jinyoung murmurs.

“But we’re worth it, Jinyoung,” says Jaebum, rolling over to face him. “Even if everything falls apart.”

Jinyoung sighs, immediately and inexplicably soothed. There's no logic here, any time he tries to rationalize their connection. Instead, there's only warmth, and the way they fit. 

Jinyoung wraps his fingers around the back of Jaebum's neck and draws his face close to his own. They kiss, soft like their breathing. Jaebum moves upward to kiss the wrinkles that form around Jinyoung's eyes with his smile, warm breath fluttering against his skin and doubling his heartbeat.

“I love you,” Jinyoung says.

Jaebum lets his fingers trail under the hem of Jinyoung's shirt, and then his hands are on his body, tracing the contours of the lean waist as he moves his lips against Jinyoung’s again. Jinyoung arches into his touch and parts his lips, purring as their tongues meet.

In an instant Jinyoung feels them ignite; the flame is familiar, an all-consuming heat born between the slide of their bodies. Jaebum sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, scrapes his teeth over it as his hips slot between Jinyoung's and they move together.

Jaebum ends up atop him easily, naturally as they shed what little clothing they wore to sleep and savor the length and breadth of the hotel bed. 

Jaebum reaches between them and brings their movement to a still, hand encircling Jinyoung's hardening cock and moving at an achingly slow pace. His grip is steady, a perfect rhythm to contrast Jinyoung's increasingly uneven breathing.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum rumbles against his ear, watching the younger man unravel beneath him. “Can we try something?”

Jinyoung’s breath falters, and then he's blinking back to reality as he tries to reconnect his thoughts. He'd expected to be gently torn apart, was ready to be fucked to sleep, was hungry for it. He hadn't anticipated an experiment.

“Wh-what did you have in mind?” He manages to ask, hips trying to outpace Jaebum's iron grip. Jaebum slows his strokes instead, making him whimper and open his eyes to make bleary eye contact in the dark room. 

“Tell me,” Jinyoung whines.

Jaebum drops his gaze down, watching his own fist pump the length of Jinyoung's dick. “You're so—you're so hard,” and his voice breaks a little here, his fingers relaxing into a ginger, reverent touch. “I want you to fuck me; is that okay?” He manages, voice airy with nerves.

Jinyoung can't help the way his heart lurches, the tightening in his stomach. It's not that he's never imagined this before - rather, it's one of his favorite fantasies. It's one he reserves for when he doesn't see Jaebum for a few days. One for when he's especially stressed after a late night of practice, when he wants to come hard, wants to make a mess. 

“You're serious?” Jinyoung asks, reaching out to stop Jaebum's touching him. His dick is already too sensitive, already thrums with his pulse. He won't be able to last if Jaebum continues.

Jaebum hesitates, lashes low as he avoids Jinyoung's steady gaze, flushed cheeks contrasting enough to see in the dim moonlight. “Yeah,” he says, and then looks him in the eye. “I want to know. I wanna know what it feels like, for you.”

Heat unravels in the pit of Jinyoung's stomach, and he feels closer to the brink at just the words Jaebum chooses.

“Get on your stomach,” Jinyoung says, voice smoky.

Jaebum hesitates, watching the shift in Jinyoung's demeanor overtake him immediately. He then clambers off of the other, wriggles onto all fours, angling his ass up. 

Jinyoung can't hold back a soft chuckle, and he spanks a cheek teasingly. “You need to relax, hyung,” he says. “I'll take good care of you but you can't be so tense.”

Jaebum lets himself breathe a little easier as Jinyoung retrieves lube from his bag. After just a moment he returns and starts massaging his waist gently. “What do you think it'll feel like?” He asks, pressing kisses up the backs of his thighs. Jaebum shivers in response.

“Full… You always say you feel so full,” Jaebum says, as Jinyoung lets a generously lubed finger rub circles against his entrance, using barely any pressure. “And I think—it'll hurt at first?”

Jinyoung nods but doesn't reply, wrapping his other hand around Jaebum's excited cock to help him relax. He starts to move his palm lightly while he dips one finger in past his rim, plunging slow and even. Jaebum’s breath flutters with nerves or excitement, Jinyoung can't tell. He pumps his shaft faster now, distracting him as a second finger scrapes lightly against the entrance. He withdraws and then presses them both into him straight away, and Jaebum lets out a tiny moan.

“You like it when I play with you like this,” Jinyoung says lowly, “you liked it the first time, too.”

“Feels good,” Jaebum grunts, and Jinyoung enjoys watching the muscles tensing in the small of his back, the precum already rolling over his thumb as he continues to jerk him off. 

“I didn't think you'd ever ask to switch,” Jinyoung admits. “You don't even like Jackson dropping formalities.”

Jaebum shifts his hips back to meet Jinyoung's fingers as they're scissoring him wider now. “I'd really rather not think about Jackson right now,” Jaebum grits out.

Jinyoung chuckles, stretching him carefully and enjoying the view, Jaebum's pink ring of muscle expanding with each tug outward, sticky heat sucking him back inward. Jinyoung feels himself swell further in anticipation, and presses a third finger inside him.

Jaebum groans loudly, knees sliding wider and clutching at his pillow desperately. Jinyoung watches with a gleam in his eyes as Jaebum mouths at the fabric, biting into a corner. But he takes the breadth, doesn't complain.

“You're doing so well, hyung,” Jinyoung says, speech shifting to formal and saccharine sweet to tease him. “What a good hyung, taking three fingers and still so tight and hot. Wouldn’t you like four?” 

Jaebum lets out an uneasy noise, but Jinyoung takes it as permission anyway, slipping his pinky in along with the others, enjoying the obscene tug as Jaebum tries to accommodate the extra flare of his hand. The width of his knuckles angle down into the rim, dragging in and out, Jaebum moaning a mess into his pillow. 

“Wow, hyung,” says Jinyoung breathily. “I bet I could get my whole fist in here, you're doing so well.” Jaebum whimpers in protest as Jinyoung continues thrusting his fingers in and out, hand on his cock moving extremely slow in comparison. 

“No?” Jinyoung wonders, thumb caressing his taint lightly, as Jaebum shakes his head with a whine, beyond words at the moment. “Well, maybe next time,” Jinyoung acquiesces, and then twists his fingers so they can scrape along his sides, popping his knuckles in and out and pressing deeper and harder in search of his prostate. He discovers the bundle of nerves with a crook of his fingers, and Jaebum's entire body shudders in response. He comes with a heart-aching cry, spills himself all over Jinyoung's hand and still thrusts back against his probing, riding out the last ebbs and waves of hypersensitivity. 

“Please,” he gasps.

“Please what, hyung?” Jinyoung asks, but he's already stroking his own length with more lubricant, slowly withdrawing his cramped fingers and watching Jaebum's twitching pink entrance with sharp, hungry eyes.

“Please fuck me,” Jaebum murmurs tiredly.

“How do you want it, hyungnim?” Jinyoung wonders, sitting up on his knees and positioning himself between his legs, running his hands down the sides of Jaebum’s long, taut abdomen. 

Jaebum’s shoulders shake and flex with effort as he sits up slightly to look behind him, and with a gasp Jinyoung nearly breaks his roleplaying bravado over the tenderness in his eyes. Jinyoung drapes over his body as he’s overcome with want, running a thumb along the side of his face, from his two signature freckles down to his gaping mouth, leans further in and kisses him slowly.

It’s open-mouthed, wet and purely sensual, Jinyoung caressing his tongue with his own in long, teasing strokes. Jaebum moans then, rocking backward to fit his hips into Jinyoung’s groin, and they both stumble in their breath as Jinyoung’s cock, hard and heavy, brushes between his legs. 

Jinyoung leans back again, bracing himself with hands on Jaebum’s narrow waist. “How do you want it?” He repeats, voice stern.

“However,” growls Jaebum, growing impatient.

Jinyoung slaps his ass, and he stumbles a bit from the impact. “You want it hard, don't you?” Jinyoung says. “You want your eyes to cross while I jackhammer you into the mattress, right?”

Jaebum lets out a tiny snort of laughter. Jinyoung pouts and hits him on the same asscheek again. He can see the sting, in the tension of Jaebum's thigh and the bloom of color in the tender skin.

“I don't care if you go hard or soft or slow or fast or whatever,” Jaebum insists stubbornly, “I just want to feel you.”

So Jinyoung slams into him without any preamble, no warning, no hushed words of comfort. He presses forward all at once and tilts his hips so that he can feel his head drag insistently against Jaebum’s insides, and he wails and drops his head into the pillow. Once Jinyoung finds himself fully sheathed within him, he stills. “Like that, hyung?” He says softly, trying to keep his voice from trembling.

Jaebum sputters as he tenses and pulses around him, scrambling to position himself steadily and even out his breathing. “H-how? How do you—?” He whimpers, voice small.

Jinyoung leans over him, trying not to budge within him too much, kisses the nape of his neck lightly. “You have to relax, hyung, you have to let me in.” He whispers against the back of his ear. “You're so tight, Jaebum hyung, you have to relax for me. I promise it'll feel good but you have to breathe.”

Jaebum listens, tries to focus, and Jinyoung watches with satisfaction as his body’s lines soften, only inhaling and exhaling. “How's it feel?” Jinyoung whispers.

“Full,” Jaebum admits. “You feel…” His face flushes as he grasps for words. “You feel so _big_ , Jinyoungie,” he murmurs, voice softening around the edges like his body.

Jinyoung massages his ass where he slapped it before, softly dances his hands along each line of sinew and muscle in Jaebum's form before resting at his hip again. “Is it okay, hyung?”

Jaebum nods, exhales.

Jinyoung draws out and then snaps his hips forward again. The headboard bumps the wall, and Jaebum’s elbows already give out from under him. He presses into the pillows with a long, keening moan. 

Jinyoung marvels at the intense heat enveloping him. He's playing tough to tease Jaebum, but this experience is equally new for him. He's never penetrated anyone before, never felt such a tight fit, such a slick, textured glide around his cock. “ _Fuck_ ,” Jinyoung mumbles. 

Jaebum lets out a tiny, broken laugh at this, and Jinyoung draws back and slams into him again so it fades into a moan. “Fuck,” Jaebum agrees.

Jinyoung finds his brutal pace again quickly, eager to thrust into him, hips snapping instinctively into warmth and gaining speed. Jaebum gets hard again, eyes shut and making noises Jinyoung's never heard from him before.

Jinyoung increases the force of his thrusts, driven by the tightening sensations of Jaebum's pleasure, and the headboard starts to slam against the wall with them. 

“ _Hyungghh_ ,” he moans loudly, lost to the world around them, ramming against him mercilessly. Jaebum is practically hiccuping on every beat, a continuous groan of bliss punctuated by each thrust.

Jinyoung's mind reels when he opens his eyes and looks down, flushed and damp with sweat, the sight of his own cock practically splitting Jaebum apart sending him fumbling out of rhythm. His thrusts grow sloppy - deeper, then shallow, slipping out entirely and then bruising against his entrance to jam back in. He curls forward and reaches blindly at Jaebum's head, yanking him back by his hair so he can press their gasping mouths together again.

The bed is scraping against the wallpaper, Jaebum is whining in his grasp, and Jinyoung comes, overwhelmed and unexpecting. The bliss of filling him up with his cum is such a new feeling, a liquid sensation that spreads like lava, and he sobs into Jaebum's shoulder as he lets go of his hair. 

Jaebum arches low and angles his hips so that Jinyoung's last stutters can stimulate his prostate more directly. Then he’s shuddering into his own orgasm all too quickly, mewling into the sheets. It's so unlike jerking off, so unlike fucking anyone, it renders him speechless, helpless, humping into the stickied duvet without a care.

They lay in a gasping heap, clammy skin growing cold in the hotel’s heavy air conditioning. Jinyoung pulls out and rolls off of him with a huff, lightly spanking him.

“Next time,” Jaebum says hoarsely, “I choose soft.”

Jinyoung chuckles, and helps untangle Jaebum from the soiled bedding. “You want to shower?” He says.

“Tomorrow,” Jaebum says. “Tomorrow I'll try standing up again.”

Jinyoung presses a kiss to his face with laughing eyes.

  
//

  
The next morning at breakfast, their next-door-neighbor members are pale, eying them distastefully as they settle at the table.

“Hyungs,” cries Youngjae, “our rooms aren't completely soundproof.”

“Or: what room could possibly be soundproofed against a headboard slamming over and over into the wall?” Mark says, stirring his tea forcefully.

“I'm sure you've heard worse by now,” Jaebum says airily.

Jackson raises his eyebrows and quietly slurps his smoothie.

“Can you pass the coffee?” Jaebum asks.

“Yes, hyuuungghh,” Jackson groans as he passes the carafe, winking at Jinyoung. BamBam and Youngjae visibly flinch at the sound. Yugyeom cackles from farther down the table.

Jinyoung can't find it within himself to be ruffled, although he pretends to glare at Yugyeom. He's feeling energized and still gloating over fucking Jaebum, so he has to bite back a smile, glancing at Jaebum but staying silent.

Jaebum had taken Jinyoung savagely in the shower only moments ago, pressed his face into the glass door in some kind of feral act of reclaiming, had pounded into him on tiptoes. There was only a splash of soap to ease the glide, Jinyoung can still feel the sting of raw flesh within himself. He's certain Jaebum meant to teach him a lesson. But somehow Jinyoung is still floating on air, eying Jaebum playfully. 

“How can anyone manage to look so proud…?” Mark mutters.

“He's back on top,” Yugyeom says, thoughtlessly, attempting a huge spoonful of soup.

Jinyoung flushes a little bit and tries not to look affected. Jackson gasps. “NO _WAY_!” He booms. 

Yugyeom chokes on his spoonful, eyes blowing wide. “Wait, _literally_?” He cries out.

Jinyoung whips a napkin at his face.

  
//

  
It's not until after their performance, two interview segments and a V app broadcast, not until after they've returned to Seoul that management corners them. All of them, together.

They’ve called an emergency meeting. Their management team is all here, interns and assistants cleared out of the conference room but abuzz outside. This has never happened before, and Jinyoung senses that everyone is unsure of what's going on and how to proceed.

The entire band is present as Seunghoon slams a manila envelope onto the table in front of them. Jinyoung's chest feels like it's about to explode. Maybe implode. How do heart attacks work, he wonders to himself, hand drawing up over his chest as he eyes the package warily.

“What's this?” BamBam blurts out.

Jaebum doesn't move to open it, eyes sharp on Seunghoon as if daring him. Finally, the manager concedes and opens it, flinging large print after print of photo after photo of Jinyoung and Jaebum walking home together.

It's from the night they got dinner with Taehun, Jinyoung immediately recognizes, and his heart slams in his chest as he waits for an incriminating shot of their rendezvous in the alleyway.

But none appear. Seunghoon finishes by slapping down a shot of Jaebum caressing Jinyoung's cheek, as if this is the pinnacle, as if this is the most despicable thing they've captured. The boys spread the prints out in front of themselves, frowning slightly.

“Um, Seunghoon hyung,” chortles Yugyeom, hiding a smile behind a hand.

“Is this...it?” Jackson wonders.

“ _What_ is going on?” Demands Seunghoon. A few of the junior managers eye each other with some discomfort.

“You're showing us pictures of Jaebum and Jinyoung hyung,” BamBam says dryly.

“I'm not asking you,” Seunghoon snaps.

“I'm walking in front of Jinyoung. I'm waiting for Jinyoung to catch up. I'm touching Jinyoung's face and teasing him for being slow,” Jaebum narrates the photos in a monotone.

“You were on a _date_ ,” Seunghoon says, lowly.

“We were coming back from dinner with Choi Taehun sunbaenim, the choreographer? Jaebum's childhood friend,” Jinyoung corrects him, trying to keep his voice steady. “Jaebum _called_ you guys.”

“You're trying to hide a relationship,” Seunghoon continues.

Jaebum raises his eyebrows at him coolly before turning back to survey the innocent photos. “It doesn't really look like that?”

“You know… We play kissing games that look worse than this, right?” Mark wonders.

“Don’t act all smart!” Seunghoon snaps, putting a hand to his forehead. There's a pause as he seems to work through his own frustrated thoughts.

“Why are we all here?” Youngjae wonders quietly.

“We decided it'd be best to address it together,” Seunghoon says, looking back at the other managers, who look like they clearly disagree. “A magazine wanted to release these images—!”

“But they didn’t?” Jackson asks. “Close one, who knows what the fans would think if they knew we hang out with each other, huh guys?”

There’s a sound of people shuffling outside and murmurs, and then JYP himself steps into the conference room, looking curious. Jinyoung bites back a gasp. The boys all stand and bow, everyone stuttering and rearranging themselves to seem more professional.

“They said you looked like you were about to explode,” JYP slaps Seunghoon on the back, a small smile dancing across his face. “Thought I should see what's going on in here. Sit down, everybody.”

Seunghoon clears his throat and nods nervously, gesturing meekly at the photos littering the table. “We were notified about these images. We're a little concerned about JB & Junior’s _image_ these days.”

Jinyoung feels like he is underwater, like there’s no air left to breathe.

JYP looks down at the table, plucking up a photo of Jaebum’s hand trailing up Jinyoung's arm. He looks up at the boys in question, then squints back to the photo. 

“They look the same to me,” JYP jokes dryly, cracking a little smirk and eying Seunghoon skeptically.

Yugyeom nearly chokes trying not to laugh out loud. Jackson doesn’t hold his back, so Mark yanks his hat down over his face to muffle it.  
   
“That's not…” Seunghoon’s voice wobbles with humiliation, and the younger managers all hide their faces, one even turning to face a wall.

“I’m not sure what you’re implying,” JYP continues, “but we’ve all known JB and Junior for a long time, right? When have they ever had a misstep?”

“That’s the point–that’s why I wanted to address it in front of all of them, I don’t want them getting comfortable and…” Seunghoon mutters.

“Well you know what they say about crossing bridges,” JYP says vaguely, waving the photo around.

There’s a pause. “Hyung…?” Seunghoon prompts.

“You cross them when you come to them, Seunghoon,” JYP says. “You seem kind of eager to build a bridge for us, maybe?”

Seunghoon visibly rolls his eyes.

“Sir, what about the dating ban?” One of the quiet managers pipes up, refusing to make eye contact.

“Is this what you guys think happens on dates?” JYP wonders, waving the photo at them in question. 

There's a pause as the managers bristle among themselves, and BamBam whispers: “ _bruh,_ ” in awe.

JYP then abruptly swoops forward and captures Seunghoon’s cheek in his hand for a moment. “Is your heart fluttering?” he asks.

Seunghoon glares.

Jinyoung feels like his eyes are going to spring out of his skull.

“Where’s that song you mentioned last week, JB?” JYP switches from congenial to intimidating with a blink of his eyes, and Jaebum fumbles with his backpack for a moment to rip the pages out of his composition book.

“Jackson?” JYP tucks the pages under his arm and eyes the other expectantly.

“You’ll listen to it? My hyungnim really does care!” Jackson cheers, slipping a USB drive out of his pocket and nearly flinging it at the older man.

“Don’t make them late for vocal practice, Seunghoon,” JYP warns on his way out, and the door slams behind him. Everyone in the room seems equally dazed. 

“Just because our president is being an airhead today doesn’t mean he will be next time,” Seunghoon finally grits out.

“There isn’t going to be a next time,” Jaebum says firmly, “There wasn’t even a _this_ time. And respectfully, hyung, we’re not idiots.” 

Jinyoung glances at him and thinks about the moment after the photographed ones, thinks about brick digging into his back, and chooses to remain silent.

“Nobody thinks you’re _stupid_ ,” says Seunghoon blankly, “we think you’re horny.”

Youngjae melts down in his seat, clapping a hand over his mouth in shock. BamBam’s head hits the table in embarrassment, and Yugyeom is laughing so hard it’s coming out silent, completely breathless.

“Unfortunately the two can have pretty similar consequences,” Seunghoon adds.

Several phones buzz at once, and Mark turns his around for Seunghoon to see the reminder. “Vocals,” he says.

The older man gestures lamely at the door, looking defeated.

They shuffle out, Jinyoung somehow winding up last, and the senior manager grips his elbow. “We’re not attacking you,” he insists. “We just want you to be careful.”

Jinyoung nods numbly. He really does understand - but it doesn’t make the confrontation feel any easier. He does find consolation in watching how obstinate and unimpressed his band members had been. Defending him easily with deflection, distraction, playing it cool in the face of their collective discipline. He rushes to catch up with Jackson and Mark, taking their hands gratefully.

“ _Watch_ , Seunghoon hyung,” Jackson crows over his shoulder, swinging their arms defiantly, “Markjinson will be all over the web tomorrow!”

  
//

  
The next morning feels brighter than before, despite the early hour, piling into another van, to another schedule. Jinyoung squeezes sleepy Yugyeom by the nape of his neck, pats an already bubbly BamBam on the knee. All around them, the band is aflutter, loud and playful before the sun is even awake.

Jinyoung watches quietly, finds his heart trembling with gratitude. How was he lucky enough to be placed in this group? How did he manage to stay with the boy he loved, year after year, and only find further luck and deeper love? How did something grow between them and not tear their tiny family apart?

He feels tender, raw and indescribably sensitive to everything around him - every touch, every murmur, glimmering with hope and warmth. Always the sensitive one, Jinyoung thinks to himself in a daze.

Jinyoung finds Jaebum’s eyes in the rear-view mirror easily, and they soften into something molten and unspoken in response. He turns around from where Jackson is jostling against him in the front row, reaches an arm out toward the back and Jinyoung places his face into his hand. 

It’s just for a moment, and BamBam only makes the tiniest retching sound off to the side. Jaebum withdraws after a blink, turns around and they don’t interact for the rest of the ride, but Jinyoung doesn’t need more. 

It was enough. They were more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final final chapter! Thank you for being so lovely and going with me on this strange journey, everyone! I didn’t expect this fic to go anywhere but I’m really really happy it’s made other people happy.  
> (｡♥‿♥｡)


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